Can't seem to find a way out

I have depression since I was 10, I'm 32.

5 years ago I started medication when anxiety and panic started and I got into a state where I could eat thinking I would suffocate.

I feel for a bit more than a month that my depression is in a new low that I haven't felt like in 20 yrars.

Although i think constantly about dying I have trying very hard to look for something, if not a way out of my state just something that I can follow to feel better.

I can't find anything... There absolutely nothing inside of me or outside me. I can't feel but desperation and distress.

I do therapy mainly focus on emrd. My family is chaos and problematic, i live alone and I have no real friends.

I desesperly need something to hold, anything please