My Sh*t Life

Im a 13 year old guy and my life is already turning to shit just a pile of shit. My grandmother passed away a few days ago that really made my mom sad and depressed and shes always such a sweethearted and kind person so seeing her cry so much it broke me. My grandmother was still young she was 68 she never drank alchohol or smoked she didnt do bad things to her body when. When she was young and had 3 kids she had to feed them and she worked but when she got sick she continued working and didnt get treated so when she got heart surgery her heart was strong but a lot of side affects happened and all her organs shut down. And i know that death is inevitable and one day we will all die but just seeing my mom cry so much i was slowly getting depressed and i know everyone would brake down after seeing their dead mother or holding the urn of their mother. Im currently talking to a few chatters and i dont want to harm myself cause i know my mother would get really depressed and i want to live but my emotions just keep bottling up i know this sounds weird but i cant cry i barely cry. Im mad at everything im mad at the world at the universe at random people but i know its my problem not theirs im not sure but i think its because of my dad he left me and my family when i was 5 months old ive even had dreams where i fought with him.

Sorry if i wrote something wrong i cant type english very well