I feel like I need to say something but...

I don't know if I have depression and the last thing I want to do is self diagnose. I feel like I need to talk to a doctor. My family and friends don't take me seriously, everyone always thinks I "always look so happy." I am now in semester 2 of college out of state and no longer in high school but regardless of a better environment I feel haunted by a lingering sense of emptiness, loneliness, being lost, self loathing and more. I just image my feelings and thiughts as an impossible to untangle mess of cords or yarn. At the same time I just can't bring myself to try to get help anymore because I feel something bad will happen to me if I do. Why is this? Is there any way to get through what feels like this invisible and paralyzing barrier to actually say something?