I don't understand myself
I really don't know if I have depression. I keep telling myself I don't because I'm not horribly sad all the time and it's not like I have zero energy to do anything...I can't remember when this happened, but I used to love reading. Books were my best friends. My life. Then like a flick of a switch I couldn't bring myself to read them anymore. It was painful to read them, actually. I just have no interest for what I loved so much. I told my friend the other day I haven't read a book for enjoyment in two years and she couldn't believe me and I keep buying books in hopes my motivation and love will eventually come back. Secondly, I'm really quite hopeless. I can't see myself doing anything with my life because I don't believe I'm good enough. I have had bad thoughts but seriously I don't think I would ever put them into action. I don't know if I'm really depressed or if I'm just dramatic and need to get over myself. I'm sorry for making you read so much. Thank you so much for your time
Hello dear @CreativeOak8638,
I'm really sorry you're going through a low period, I know it can feel really confusing because you somehow feel that something isn't really right, but at the same time you don't feel like the worst case there could be. I think what you are describing could be some symptoms of dysthymia, but no matter if a clear diagnosis can be put or not, as long as it's affecting your well-being and you feel you have a problem, working on it it's always a good idea. :) For instance you are talking about some self-esteem issues that probably influence a lot this lack of motivation to engage in meaninful activities.. perhaps this could be a starting point on this path of improving the quality of your emotional life.
I will be around here in case you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me! Take care :)
@CreativeOak8638 I definitely feel the same. Ive had horrible days where I just snap and I feel like my life is tearing apart.we are not at fault for feeling this way one must take care of themself. I am a recent memeber we as well. I decide to take that big step and get some help ( which is never bad !). But I would just like to say that I'm proud of you for being here and finding some help. I feel quite lonely and hopeless as well but as of right now I have a bit of happiness in me and I'm using that to tell you that everything will be okay. Things will be hard. It may seem like you've hit rock bottom but the only way from here is up. Stay strong and I will stay strong for you as well.
@CreativeOak8638
i am really sorry to read you text as I can really relate to the concentration and lack of interest. I have found by things to appreciate it sometimes helps. Mindfulness to help with getting in touch with the simple things in life. A nice walk while listening to nature. Planning a nice outing with friends. Taking pictures of things that make you smile? Please text me if you want a chat it is good on here that we can support each other in our journeys. I hope you have a good day today 🔑💐
This is very much how Ive felt for 19 years now. Im not sad per se. However, if I go to a dramatic movie inevitably the tears come gushing out uncontrollably. Before depression, I would maybe get watery eyes at movies but not gushing down my face. This is the main reason I remind myself that, yes, this is depression and not some undefined illness. After being like this for so long, Im convinced that there must be some evolutionary reason for ‘clinical depression. One thing I can easily imagine is that clinically depressed people may have been the only survivors of plagues... social avoidance, no motivation to try new things, no motivation to leave your cave, nearly every stimulus is painful, even stuff like reading books... helpful things to avoid the plague. In my case I have no reason to be depressed... Im happy, I just have dehabilitating symptoms of depression!