I don�t ever want to go out

@Iwanttobebetter1982

Hello! I just want to encourage you to try and notice what you feel when you are outside. I used to stay inside my home for days, until my inability to go anywhere started making me more anxious. I had to try to go out by myself and it was like learning to walk again. But I slowly started noticing that sunlight bothered me, also other people and their coments or stares. So I pushed myself to get used to that. When you go outside your body produces hormones that make you feel sad and angry, but they can only be produced so much. After half an hour the effect subsides and you can move on. I also tried to notice what felt good. Walks with my mom, bike rides, nature, animals ..
The thing is, the lack of desire for outer world is there because you dont see the meaning or point. But to find meaning, you have to push yourself. Mental struggles leave you shortsided and you can not plan or think ahead. That is why it is important to trust in the invisible and let go.

@Iwanttobebetter1982 I understand this. It could be you just don't enjoy being outside or it could be something else: social anxiety, agoraphobia, etc.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not enjoying being out, though.

Leaving my house just makes my depression worse. If I didn't have to see my doctor every few months I'd be content to never leave my house again. I'm kind of at a point in my life where I've given up and I'm just waiting for death now. I don't see any point in going out.

..I don't leave the house. Or bed. Haven't in months. Only times I did were for school or to piss, maybe, maybe get a snack, if we had any food. Literally. And..have done this every year, since middle school. Just graduated this past May. Now I go absolutely nowhere. How have I gotten away with it? Neglect. All I do is sleep and never leave bed.

Don't see a future for myself.

Me neither. I'm scared of embarrassing myself outside getting kidnapped or taken advantage of because of how I feel and everytime I go out I want to go home because I don't want to get lost and due to my anxiety people my view me as weird and unsociable to deal with and treat me like I'm unwanted. I'm scared to start up a conversation or even travel without feeling worthless or feel like I'm going to mess up

I can relate with this. In my case, first of all the idea of going out requires facing cold weather which I hate. Rain is even worse. My neighborhood is loud and messy and I don't want to walk these streets. The people down the street are also a reason. They are either in bad shape and more miserable-looking than me, or they are blond, tall and perfect with their hipster headphones and their haircuts, so the complete opposite. Both types of people make me feel depressed. The idea of meeting someone I know is also dreadful. Finally, I have nowhere to go, so there is no point in walking in circles for me.