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We were both open with each other ever since the start of the relationship about our personal mental health issues. He has major depression and anxiety while I have anxiety. We were doing really great the first few months until two months ago I started to notice that he was beginning to slip back into a depressive bout. I just noticed that he rarely tells me he loves me now or he misses me. Normally I initiate it and then he answers. As someone with anxiety I cant help but overthink all of this. I dont want to push him thats why Im just letting him be if he needs it but I think I really need to bring this up to him. He did tell me that he still likes me and that if he didnt then he wouldve just told me upfront and just cut me off but here we are so Im holding onto that. Im wondering what are your thoughts on this as people going through depression and anxiety and stuff.
@gentleBanana3888
Its beautiful how you are so willing to support and understand what your partner is up against mentally. Giving him space can be crucial at this time, but always know too, your needs also matter.
We can easily lose ourselves in partners we want to heal. So just be mindful of the balance between being supportive and wanting to honor your partners success and struggles all the same, and noticing youre only revolving your life around theirs.
We can feel helpless when our loved ones are up against something we cant help them defeat directly. I wish you both the best and I hope you can both overcome this obstacle. ♡
@zaatarHoney hi! I really appreciate you replying. Its really comforting. I want to be here to support him but I dont know how to discuss my feelings about it. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him that there are times when I feel like Im no longer wanted or something like that, but there are times when I feel like I shouldnt tell him because it will make him feel worse or more of a burden. I dont mean to blame him but I just want to let him know that sometimes I would appreciate him reminding me that he still cared for me. I have anxiety and it doesnt help because in those moments when I feel like he doesnt care for me anymore I just end up overthinking so much. I become hyper aware of how hes been emotionally withdrawn or if theres a slight change in messaging patterns. I sound crazy but I guess this is just my head going overdrive because of anxiety :(
@gentleBanana3888
Eeee, Im glad you were brought comfort. Thats all I could hope for. I feel the predicament youre in— on one hand, you empathize with him. If you tell him how you feel, he may take it personally or feel bad, because his depression is likely to affect the way he perceives your expression But on the other hand, if you dont express your needs and they continue to be unmet, then you have to deal with your own anxieties that stir up fear and doubt in your own mind and heart.
Its truly a balance— just as much as you respect his needs, your needs also need to be respected too— and thats where youll find compromises can be made between you both. If its one-sided for too long, you may start to feel exhausted from over-thinking and wishing it were different.
Relationships require patience and empathy, but also— open communication. There are communication styles that are effective in conflict/resolution. Have you ever heard of using I-Statements?
Another potential resolution, for this and just life in general, would be to have your own emotional support needs being met by your peers! By trusted friends, family or even us 7Cups Listeners *awkward hello wave* ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡ )˚๐*˟ Its hard to put all of our emotional needs onto any one person, and mutually! Creating and nurturing your emotional support sources will be beneficial for life, in general.
Im not sure if Im able to send you non-7Cups approved materials, but go ahead and google search I-Statements or Interpersonal Communication styles Gottmans couples research and take a lil trip around those pages. (: If youd like to 1-1 to discuss what you read, or what youre feeling, youre always welcome to reach out.
Also, we have an Anxiety support forum too! You should come by. (:
With luv,
`~ Zaa
@gentleBanana3888
Ps. Psychology Today just posted this! I thought of you and wanted to pass it along!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-other-side-relationships/201908/you-are-not-responsible-your-partners-feelings?amp&__twitter_impression=true