How to react to depressed people.

As someone with depression myself, who have close people struggling with it too, sometimes the best thing to do is just be there and show that you care. It may seem that nothing that you say helps, but in fact, just knowing that someone is there for you, without judging AND even willing to help matters a lot. We can't deal with the bad thoughts sometimes, but you can try to fight them. If someone tells you that no one loves them, just remember them that you do. Smiles and hugs, If the person feels comfortable with It, can also be helpful. Just please, never make them feel like a burden, because they mostly likely already do. Don't tell them that they're hurting you by feeling that way, or they'll just feel guilty and probably won't open up to you anytime soon. I know It can be exhausting to care about depressed people sometimes, but they really need your love and support. If you feel too lost about to do, it's not a bad thing to ask the person what could you do to make them feel better. Even if they say nothing, they'll like to know that you care enough to ask. You can suggest things you know they like too, like watching a movie, but don't push them too hard. I hope you loved one can start to get better soon. Just keep in my mind that battling depression can be tough, but it isn't impossible. They'll eventually get better and be thankful for having you around. Just don't give up on them. xx

Hello @driod779

Depressives aren?t easy to deal with, and anyone who chooses to do so deserves respect.

However.

There are right ways to go about being supportive, and there are wrong ways to go about it. I?m going to try to illuminate some of the right ways here. Don?t worry, it?s not hard.

-->Be honest and specific about the extent to which you are able and willing to help.
If you?re not, one out of two things will happen?the depressed person won?t take you seriously and won?t come to you for help anyway, or they will overestimate the extent to which you can help them, and this leads to extreme frustration for both of you.

--> If you?re very busy most of the time, tell them a specific time when you?re free to talk. This is important because depressed people often feel even worse at the thought of there being nobody available to talk to them, or of people being busier than they are.

--> If you?re available to listen but have no idea what to say in response, tell them that. They might be able to suggest ways to respond, or they might tell you that just listening helps.

--> Be a bit kinder than you would normally be.

--> In relation to the first point I made, be really sensitive about how you tell the person that you?re busy/otherwise unavailable and can?t talk to them or help them. Don?t just be like, ?I have to go to bed now. Bye.? Say something like, ?I need to go to bed because I?m really tired, but I hope you feel better and I?ll talk to you again soon.?

Remember that unless you specify that you?re tired but that you wish you could help, a depressed person is likely to assume that you?re just trying to give them the slip. Try not to be offended by this. It?s not because you haven?t been a good enough friend; it?s just how their brain works.

Remember that there are many ways to help.
If you?re not comfortable listening to someone talk on and on about really sad things, that?s perfectly understandable and okay. If you still want to help them, there are other ways.

Depression really fucks with people?s ability to process things rationally. Although there are things you can do to avoid such a reaction (see ?Be a bit kinder than you would normally be,? above), it may still happen, and it?s not your fault. Don?t make this about yourself, don?t react defensively, don?t accuse the person of not appreciating your friendship.
If they say something that really does bother you, it?s perfectly fine to bring it up when they?re calmer and less upset. But don?t do it while they?re freaking out about something.

--> That?s not to say that you should rule texting and the internet out entirely. Just take care to make up for the lack of body language. You can?t smile reassuringly, touch someone on the shoulder, or hold their hand over the internet. So if you?re saying something that can be interpreted ambiguously, be very cautious. With depressed people, there?s a certain Murphy?s Law?if it can be interpreted negatively, it will be.
--> Some ways to combat this are to use emoticons to help convey emotion, to express things more clearly, and to ask the person how he or she is interpreting what you?re saying as a way of checking in.

--> First of all, depression is different from ordinary sadness in a qualitative, not quantitative, way. In other words, it?s not ?more? sadness, it?s a ?different? sadness. What works for you when you?re feeling a bit down probably isn?t going to be what works for someone with a clinical disorder. This is why all those entreaties to ?just put yourself out there!? and ?just smile!? and ?just get some sleep!? really, really fall on deaf ears when it comes to depressed people. Trust me, we?ve tried all of that, and much more.

--> Second, advice probably isn?t what they?re looking for. When people are upset, not only are they not in the right frame of mind to evaluate your suggestions accordingly, but what they probably really want is for someone to agree that things are hard for them and to sympathize with that. In other words, don?t be like, ?Oh, that?s no big deal, you can just try x, y, and z.? Try ?Wow, that must be really hard for you, but I believe that you?ll get better.?
Never ever make the person feel guilty or indebted for needing your help.

--> This is rarely done maliciously; I think it?s usually by accident. Sometimes people who are close to a depressed person become frustrated or resentful, which is natural. However, just because it?s natural doesn?t mean you should necessarily express it?at least not in the way that most people do.
If you find that helping the person is taking up too much of your time and energy, that?s absolutely a fair conclusion to come to. But that doesn?t mean you have the right to blame the depressed person for it. You choose how to spend your time, not they. Be empathic, picture yourself in their shoes,
Don't ask "Why", it can come off pretty judgemental even if it's not meant to!
Treat them like you would a close friend, and be there for them, but don't give them advise, try to make them see what options they have open to them!
That and be yourself, good luck, and welcome!

It really comes down to listening. When people have a conversation with me about my depression, they are so quick to try to solve the problem within minutes. They ask me a million times "why do you feel depressed/what happened to make you depressed", and don't seem to understand that most of the time, it's for no reason. They offer advice, such as "look at the bright" or "be strong", which are things I can tell myself and it means nothing either way. But I can't validate my own feelings or listen to myself or ask myself questions from someone else's perspective. I just want to explain it to you and know that you want to understand. If I say "it's not always caused by a specific event, it doesn't work like that", all you need to do is say "I see, how does it work?".

Sometimes we don't want advices, we want someone that understandus and say "I am here for you no matter what". I am aware that youcan't fix my problems and I think most depressed people also agree. We want someone saying to us that our pain is valid and we have the right to feel that way.

When dealing with a depressed person act with care and compassion but most important don't treat them significantly different they are still normal and you don't want them to feel as through you think they are psychotic