Losing my friend
i've known my best friend for 22 years and we've always been close. it's always felt like she's more of sister especially since i stayed at her house a lot when we were young and her parents looked after me when my parents were working.
we got even closer when we when to university together but then we started drifting apart when she got a new boyfriend.
her boyfriend is awful. it's not just me being overprotective, everyone who knows him agrees that he's emotionally abusive and manipulative towards her. i've tried to talk to her about it but it just makes her angry at me. we'd never really argued but now we argue all the time, mainly about him.
we've always lived within walking distance of each other but a few weeks ago she moved to the other side of the city to live with him. now she's an hour train ride away and i haven't see her since she moved.
a couple of days ago she hosted a halloween party at her new flat and invited all her close friend, except me. i found out by seeing the pictures on facebook.
i feel absolutely crushed. i've never felt this alone and isolated before. i keep breaking down and having panic attacks. my friendship with her has been at the centre of my life for as long as i can remember and i feel like she's slipping away. i know she didn't invite me because i don't get along with her boyfriend but i thought our relationship was stronger than this. i still want to confront her about her boyfriends abusive actions but doing that just pushes her further away.
i'm so lonely. i don't have any other friends like her
Ellie, What a hard thing to go through! I feel sad just reading your post. It can be confusing when a good friend does something that we just can'r make sense of. I would not take the "left out of the party" deal personally because it seems obvious that she didn't want a confrontation with you and the "boyfriend". That is more about her fear of awkwardness in a social occasion than her feelings of friendship for you. She had to choose one or the other at this particular time, and that is all. But that still leaves you with bad "sick to the stomach" feelings about her staying with an abusive boyfriend, and cutting you off. I believe the only thing you can do is try to leave some communication open between just the 2 of you. I can't say how you might do that, but I'm afraid FB will just be too upsetting for you - you will see more about them as a couple than is good for your spirit. She may see the truth about him later and you will still be there to help her through that. But you can't control her actions, and I hope you can make peace with that truth. As for you, precious one, you have to care for yourself and part of that is friends in general. Maybe this is a good oppertunity to join a club or try a new hobby or sport, or class that involves new faces. There is a good chance that some of THOSE folks are also looking for a new friend. Be gentle with your inner child as you work this out - I'm in yout corner.
@MusicCandy
thank you very much for you kind message.
i decided the that worst thing i could do was stay angry and ignore her. we've been talking a bit and hopefully i'll be seeing her this week so we can discuss things face to face.
it's so hard to accept her relationship but i need to stay supportive of her no matter what. i hope she see's him for what he really is, and then i will still be there for her.
@EllieKB
Hey there. So how did things work out for you and your BFF? I noticed you got good advice from other posters here. And i'm glad that you still have not given up on your BFF after all that has happend. I understand, close friendships like this is not something that comes often in a person's life. Infact not every one has been given such an opportunity.
However, i hope that you are able to stay focus more on yourself because you deserve it. You are doing a good job as a BFF for your friend, but at the same time you have the right to be happy as well. You also deserve some love and attention. Things may or may not workout for your BFF you can look at it that way right? Either way, it's good to do something for yourself like the poster above said, get involve with something that you enjoy with others. Even if you don't get to make new friends but at least you know you spend your time wisely and got some good out of it instead of being too focus on your BFF.
If things work out for her then its good right? But if not, you know you have tried your best, and i'm sure she will soon realize the mistakes that she has done and learn from it. Whatever the outcome i wish you all the best.
