Lonely among people
I don't have a romantic relationship but I definitely have challenges within my platonic and familial relationships. I have largely given up on romance due to the fact that what I like in a romantic/life partner is very different/rare and it's hard to find anyone who is truly a connection there. But I won't go into that because it's only a small part of my issue.
I am a very giving person and I love to provide emotional support, as my username here suggests. It's hard for me to find people who reciprocate this, who won't just suck me dry. Often I find that the emotional support is more one-sided and when other people try to "help" me, they give unwanted advice; they don't truly listen or actively listen (and I greatly admire being able to just listen without giving judgment or advice, which is why I love this website so much). I was with my friends today and they had their kids with them - it felt great to be invited to lunch but I felt lonely due to the fact that I don't really have a family or anyone to go home to. These friends I went out with have been friends with each other for a while and I just met them a month or so ago. So I felt a bit bummed and lonely even though I wasn't alone. I did my best to suck it up and just act normally, although they may have noticed I was a bit quiet. You see, when I'm sad, I don't want to ruin anyone else's ability to have a good time, so I won't admit to being sad. So I go through a lot of my life unnoticed, which I get is my own doing but still, it's hard for me to consciously admit things when I know it will put a damper on people's moods. Sometimes I care more for others' happiness than for my own.
But tonight I finally spoke up a little when a family member texted me and asked what I was doing, how I was, etc. I admitted to feeling a little bummed and lonely. She said, "Well make friends and make plans with them." As if I haven't already been doing that, and she didn't ask any questions to explore deeper into the issue as I would if the situation were reversed. Because I actually care deeply about people, and I feel like no one cares about me that way.
And when I say this, it sounds pathetic and makes me wish I hadn't said anything.
And so I keep it inside and just chew myself up and spiral worse and worse.
I'm not really expecting answers to my problem but just knowing someone read it is great. Thank you. And sorry this was so long.
Dear one,
I read your post- and it wasn't too long! You know, we are here to listen, and the apology at the end sounded like you think we don't have the time to hear you out - We Have the Time. I don't have answers for you, but I believe that every person has at one time or another experienced what you describe- especially when it sems like "they" , people you meet- have it all together, and "they" have a closeness and camaraderie that you are missing out on. I know I have had that feeling, and it is hurtful and confusing. With those new friends - I wonder is there a hobby, activity or interest that you might find in common with one or more of them? Perhaps you could explore that avenue with them on a deeper level. If one of them likes history, you could say "hey did you hear about that new tour they have at >>>- maybe we could go together sometime" . Or it could be a book,music,- or anything that comes up in conversation. That is just an idea- I know you will find an answer and it will be just right for you. Here's a hug for trying!
@CompassionateGirl90
I read your post and I totally relate to that feeling. I'm still trying to figure out the answers and solutions as well. I just wanted to say, you aren't alone in your feelings. I wish you happiness and peace 
xx
@CompassionateGirl90
I know you posted this a week ago, and I hope the last week has been better for you. Your description rang a chord with me and I just wanted to say I know that feeling of "otherness" that can come from being with people who you don't know well and while you appreciate their invitation, it's very hard to break a wall of shared stories and a way of thinking as a group that the individuals adopt when in it. I know for me that can cause a strange "thinking space" to form where I end up deep in thought in a way I normally wouldn't and constantly worry I'll miss something directed at me because of my distraction. Creates a strange stress. I have eventually become part of a small number of those groups by finding something with which to work in order to expand the group enough that it eventually encompasses a part of me, but I do always find myself wondering about if it's all going to be a waste of time.
It's clear that people do think very differently from each other, and people who care and are actually able to hear you are hard to find. Most people are too busy to actually take the time to deal with things, and then you also have to be the right kind of person anyway to be able to understand a specific individual and their unique way of thinking and expressing. That you are such a person is good, I guess that you have to be the regulator of how much you can put into that as otherwise people will keep sucking until you are empty.
And no, definitely not too long.
