Completely screwed socially
Everywhere I go I've been told by my mum that I can make friends. I'm a bit weird and off-colour and every time I start a new school, college, club etc my mum says something like "There's going to be so many more people, you'll meet someone like you and make lots of friends". I'm going to uni next year and she said that again and it honestly makes me wanna die. I'm going to have to spend 3 years living away from home surrounded 24/7 by people enjoying the 'uni experience' while I again struggle to make friends and ultimately end up alone again.
I have a completely toxic personality. I'm not remotely interesting to hold a conversation with, introverted enough that I don't want to be with people but when I'm without anyone I feel horribly depressed and miserable. I compare myself to other people my age and just feel like an utter failure socially. Those kind of major milestones people hit which show you are an adult like going out for a drink with friends, or just going to house parties I have just never hit. I've spent my entire teenage life in my room on my computer building fickle friendships online in an attempt to ignore the fact I don't have any friends in reality.
I honestly can't imagine being this socially stunted, sad and lonely for the rest of my life. I kind of hope I just die. Get hit by a car or something. Nothing that I people could say I was seeking out death but just something so its over. I hate being like this and I can't imagine it changing.
Some days I wanna live forever but other days I wish it would just end immediately.
[Title edited by MsEmma to remove inappropriate language]
I'm not gonna tell you to be yourself and be confident about who you are because chances are you're not gonna listen. I went through a point where I didn't have friends but i decided to change myself a bit. I went with baby steps, I first worked on making myself look pretty in my eyes because, not to sound superficial, if you look good on the outside you will feel better on the inside. Second, there will likely be new people who don't know anyone at you're uni, this sounds bad again but what I like to do is pick out the other loners and attempt to make friends with them. If you've spent most of your time on a laptop then im guessing you've probably watched a lot of movies or tv shows because if you do then putting that in a conversation and having the other person liking it too is an easy way to befriend them. My tactic was to always mention shows loudly so the more confident people will choose to talk to me. This is in my school so I'm not completely sure if this will work for you but try it out. And i don't know if this helps but I'll be your friend ðŸ‘👫
