walking through a minefield

Hello everyone, have you ever felt as though you have walked through a minefield unscathed only to step on a mine when you think youve made it through, then all the ones you missed all blow up on you at once? Thats the way i feel.

Let me explain why i feel this way, as a kid i was sexually assaulted by a family member, same family member took other things i loved away from me, i suffered a serious injury that almost caused me to lose half of one of my hands, i have people i work with threatening me, my wife doesnt sleep with me anymore, and i have made it through this far in my life like nothing happened to me, then within the past 14 months i lost my mom, 2 aunts and a very good friend from my past.

Now it doesnt seem like i can smile. I used to smile a lot! I dont know how i made it through all the early things but dont feel like i have much happiness. this really sucks. my wife just tells me to smile, get over it, and tells me to pray. she didnt tell me she prayed for me though. I dont feel like killing myself, but sometimes i feel i would be better off if i was gone. bobby