hi
i haven’t been on 7 cups in a while. i cant tell if that’s in avoidance of my issues i know have been present, or if i’m in the process of healing correctly. I know that my feelings are gonna come back because whenever i get bursts of happiness the sadness always creeps back up and ruins all my progression. i know that healing is not linear but it’s exhausting to fight the same battle that loops around. it’s been 5 years and i know i’ve made progress but it doesn’t feel like enough. sometimes i still struggle with temptations of doing self harm again and pills even though i’ve been clean 3-4 years. i cant hang around with ppl that do drugs because i’m scared my self control will not pull through. it has for those 3 years but things get dark when i’m alone. maintaining soberity is so much more difficult than i’ve thought it would be even 3 years after. as insignificant it could be, i have to be taking benadryl to sleep some nights but when i do i take more than 4 pills when i know i shouldn’t but it’s dumb for me to do that when i’m it’s wrong. i’m clean 4 years on oxycodones, benadryl is completely different yet i find comfort in taking it because it is a pill. i can sleep comfortably with it but when i’m not it takes me forever and my brain goes places. i still like to consider myself clean from bad habits but this might also become a new one. i try everyday and i’ve gotten help from close ones but i hope i stay clean. i’ve made progression over the years, ig.
i’m sorry if this thread doesn’t make sense it’s been difficult to type properly and use correct grammar my heads been in a spiral and i have trouble focusing and remembering things because of my anemia 😅😅
@stephyvxd12
Your thread makes absolute sense and I can relate to what you are going through. It's a constant struggle to maintain ones footing and it can be very draining at times. It doesn't sound as though you are avoiding your issue, in fact it sounds as though you are working very hard at it and doing very well from the sounds of it. Yes, to ourselves it doesn't feel like we make a lot of progress or that we aren't getting anywhere but if you re-read your thread and notice all the things you are aware of and fighting against, I'd venture to say you can be really proud of your self. It sounds like you have a come a long way.
I know I will never be 100%. My mind will never be at ease and I will always have to battle against the temptations and addictions. It is tiring and you feel defeated at time and it is o.k. to say that.
Don't be too hard on yourself and don't feel ashamed to ask for help/support. It's not an easy thing to have to cope with and, if it can be helped, is not something we should feel like we have to do on our own.
Just keep doing what you are doing and know you are not alone in your struggle.