Will I ever find happiness ?
Everything has become so hopeless lately and every day life seems to be getting harder and harder for me. I am asked how I feel so often but I never know how to answer it. I have so many feelings at once that I can't put it all into words. I feel worthless, I'm such a failure and I literally screw every single thing up. I mess up people's lives and I am such a horrible person. I really am. I have made so many bad mistakes in my life that I will never ever be able to forgive myself for. No matter how hard I try.
My life hasn't been the easiest and it will never get easier. It is so hard not having a family to love me and a family that I can love back. It's so scary to think that soon I may be homeless and have no where to go. I don't want to live on the streets because I know that I won't be able to make it. I really won't be able to make it , at all.
And friends? Hah... what are friends? I don't have any. They don't even know the real me, nor can they know the real me because if they did they would absoluetly hate who I am. It is already a given. I just feel so so so so alone.
Recently I started counseling and taking antidepressants but that doesn't even seem to be working. My counselor already thinks she can't help me and wants me to find someone else but I've already tried 4 other counselors. If they can't help me, will I ever find happiness ? I'm starting to think that I never will and it is one of the hardest things ever. My counselor even called me a bitch and told me I'm a bad person. If she thinks it true and has told me that, it's something that I have to believe. I don't think she'd tell me I'm a bad person if I wasn't a bad person.
Nobody knows it, but I cry every single day. Every single day. These tears just need to go away because I can't take it. I just can't take it at all. Life is so hard. It is so so so hard and I want to get better. I really do want to get better.
Being on here is the only thing that is helping me. Without the support I have from the 7 cups community, I would be so lost.
So thank you everyone.
I must say, reading your story is very emotional, only because their has been so much similarity with the challenges u face now with those I have faced in the past. You're already a lot stronger than I am, because I still haven't opened up about my painful moments. I always thought to myself, I have done so much harm and so many wicked things in my past that my future is cursed with the punishment of life of unhappiness. But it turns out this is not true. It turns out I can be happy as soon as I stop holding my faults against me. I've changed my life in more than a few ways, I've overcome a lot, and I know u can too. Rather u believe in yourself or not, I know I sure do. Because in this life even villains can get a happy ending. Trust me
Thank you for the support. It means so much to me <3
I am so sorry to hear that you have faced some of the struggles that I am facing. I would never wish that on anyone because this pain is one of the hardest things ever. You are a warrior for still being here today and I admire you for that. I can tell that you are such a strong person as well. You may not have opened up about your struggles but you are still here today and that takes so much strength. I love you for it.
I hope more than anything that you find happiness and life treats you well <3
Hey, I'm not quite sure what to say... I just want you to know that you are not alone. Things always seem so hopeless when we're experiencing them, but you have to remember the awful times we go through don't last. One day things will get better, but you can't let hope die. I can tell you're trying hard to change your life, I admire you for that, and I don't blame you for feeling like maybe you won't ever be happy. But you will. Trust me, I've felt sometimes that I'll never truly be happy, that all the time I'd have to hide the way I felt. But you have to keep hoping and believing and trying and someday you will be happy. If you stop trying you won't have a chance. Happiness is for everyone and you're just as deserving of it as anyone... If it means anything, I will hope and pray for your happiness. I want you to be happy. :)
Hey, @mandapanda96!
You seem to be struggling with a lot. You're so brave for speaking it up in this forum thread! I wish you get better. You are not a failure, I swear. You may have failed about some topic in the past, but our actions does not define who we are. You are not a horrible person. Your thoughts may tell you that, but they are just bad thoughts. They cannot define who you really are. You are forgiven, right now. This is your forgiveness card. You are allowed to forgive ourself, we as a community are giving you that -- you already had it, but you couldn't see it. Now it's the time to get it, you deserve it! And, by the way, you're not a bitch just because your counselor told you so. She was very unprofessional and, after all, was wrong.
I'm going to tell you something, you cannot find happiness as a constant state of living. What you have are happy moments and sensationsthat fuel you happiness feeling. If we lived in constant happy euphoria, it wouldn't be great -- we wouldn't be able to appreciate the little good things. Depression makes it way harder for us to see and feel those happy moments, once it messes up with our brains' chemistry, but it is possible to get its cure. It is possible to enjoy things. Life won't always be marvellous but you can taste happiness one day. I swear. I wish you all the luck on that, I'm rooting for you! If you need someone to talk, I'm here. Have a beautiful day!
@centauri
Thank you for the support and replying to my forum post. It means a lot to me and so do all of your kind words. <3 It helps so much, more than you will ever know. I don't know what else to say other than thank you.
I don't know if I am depressed, I feel like I am a happy person, but nothing is making me happy. My job just feels like another job, which I don't want it to be. I come home and do nothing after a work day. My work days aren't hard or long. A normal 8 hour shift, doing almost the same exact thing every single day. I sometimes hit the gym and go tanning. I think I just do those things to keep my mind off of how lonely and disconnected I feel from everyone around me. I am, well I'm told anyway, that I am the happiest, most confident, amazing person people have met. Why do I not feel this, or see this. I try to be that kind of woman, but I just don't feel it. I feel alone, self -conscious, tired, weak, hated, unwanted. I don't feel comfortable talking to my closet friends or my family about anything. They are the most critising of everyone. I just don't know where to go or who to turn to for help.
