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Why continue?

User Profile: PeachPeter08
PeachPeter08 March 14th, 2019

I was once pretty happy when I was younger. Had quite a few friends and I would almost dare to say I was the ''popular'' guy in the group. But here I am now at 23 and just feeling I am loosing my will to continue life. All these years have been tearing really hard on me, every year I feel like I have had to fight to get through. Years filled with defeats and zero progress to my quality of life.

And it is starting to affect my work aswell. I came late today at work (again) because I simply didn't feel like getting out of bed. I find it hard to see any reason to do so. Going to work and coming back home to a messy, lonely apartment then wasting my hours at the TV and PC. I keep thinking back on the time I had a lot of friends and now I have nothing. All the friends from my younger days have partners and careers, they have somthing going for them and I have nothing left.

I hate going outside because outside is all the things I feel I can never get. People that have partners, careers, a house, a car. I look at all those people that have things going for them and I wonder: ''Why me?, Why must I get crushed''. I have always been a nice person. Always helped other people, volunteer to charities, never bullied anyone. Everytime I was out with my friends I would pay if someone had a hard time financially. I don't understand why life is giving me nothing but hardships in return. I feel like nobody has ever loved me, I have never had a girlfriend or feel like I have been close. And lately I have been wondering: ''Why bother?'' why go buy fancy clothes or fancy parfumes when it dosen't matter anyways? I think this is just my lot in life, my destiny. That I must suffer so that others can have a good and loveable life.

When I was 16-17 my friends couldn't understand why I had never had a girlfriend or had anything going with a girl. I was as I mentioned in the start kind of the ''popular'' kid. I kept joking that it would come eventually and if it didn't by the time I became 25 I might aswell kill myself. These days those very jokes haunt me. Lately when I have come home from work I have looked over at my gun cabinet and sometimes caught my self saying ''2 more years left''. I feel disheartened and feel like things are taking a toll for the seriously worse. A friend once said to me that I am just ''unlucky''. Coupled with the jokes coming back to haunt me I feel like this is how my life is to be, to have so many friends before and yet it ends alone. A predetermined fate, or destiny if you will.

I am sorry for the rant and sorry if it is the wrong place to post. I also Apologize if it is unreadable or seems very hard to understand, I myself feel like a man loosing his sanity these days. I hope everyone reading will have a way better day, week, month and year than I have had.

2
User Profile: cloudTraveler
cloudTraveler March 14th, 2019

Dear @PeachPeter08,

I am so sorry to hear that you haven't been so lucky on the romantic side yet and I imagine that you often feel really lonely and like things aren't so meaningful without people that really matter around to share the joy and the pain. Still, from what you're saying, that you used to be the popular guy, it sounds like you have the social skills necessary to make friends and all. Why would you say you were never in a relationship? Was it only bad luck or is there more to it? After all you are only 23, objectively speaking you are really young and there are many ways in which your life could turn around.

If you feel like talking a bit more about it don't hesitate to contact me in private! :) I hope you're feeling alright.. take care!

User Profile: BravePanther99
BravePanther99 March 14th, 2019

@PeachPeter08 hi Peter I admire your strength and am glad you posted on this thread here. I definitely think you chose the right place to do it. It sounds like you have been going through so much for the past few years. I'm sure it feels overwhelming. But at the same time you made friends along the way and people got to know you and enjoy your company.

What would happen if you continue making friends and reaching out more to people who can support you at this time?

I think you're very strong for having gotten so far with such overwhelming feelings. Please continue to reach out and keep yourself safe.