What depression feels like to you?
I think it gets worse everyday, I find it harder to breathe and this heavy painful weight in my chest. And I try so hard to be positive but it makes me more hateful.
Today I was actually having a good conversation with someone, but midway I just lost it.
I didn't get what I was laughing about and everything just started clouding the way I saw things. So I got negative and I couldn't stop and drove this person away.
I regret it now... I feel like I can't just act happy.
I find myself crying everyday. And there's a big lump in my throat.
I can't even reach out to listeners because I don't want to hear that everything will be alright, because when your depressed it's too difficult to see anything ahead. And they keep repeating that I am in control, I get it... but, there's clearly something wrong in my head. maybe I am too stubborn to hear any of it. But a part of me does try but even trying to reach out for something positive hurts.
And I get it, listeners are like this positive light on repeat, they will tell you the good things, things you barely believe in but try, try so hard to try stay in control....
but sometimes...right now.... I just want to be around the rain like me... is this all too silly??
I don't even know what I'm typing here lol
i feel like that often as well...
i get what you say and i still didnt find a way for myself to get out of there...
heathy breathing, headaches, lump in the throat and that deep feeling inside of you that you are...yeah what? not really just sad, not like when you lost someone. its more the feeling of deep unsatisfaction and realisation of not being th eperson i thought id be or wanted to be, to not reached the point i need to.being a failure...disappointed...aweful...emptyness.
i lay down and try to sleep to avoid the thoughts, but afterwards i wake u feeling i am a waste of an organism...again unsatisfied...a circle i cant get out if im not pushed forwards. i cant push myself with motivation. i keep myself busy, so busy i cant think of myself, i avoid myself...
sad now, realising what i do...i want to be more in life than just that
@PurpleBlueberry
I'm sorry your going through that as well, it really is the worst feeling.....
*hugs* it's terrible to think someone actually feels the same way...
It almost feels like a curse but somewhere, just knowing that we actually understand each other more so then most, does give a sense of belonging, and biologically, we are beings that want to belong somewhere...
Depression to me feels like drowning and being lost in the middle of nowhere, even when surrounded by people I know. It's being completely helpless yet trying to stay strong. It's a struggle to wake up, with little to no reward.
To me I feel like I'm in constant battle with myself. There is the me I want to be and the me I've become and clearly the me I want to be always loses.
