Wanting to run away
Hi, I'm completely new to 7cups and I just want to find a support group of people who have shared the same experiences and may be able to offer me some advice.
I've dealt with feeling depressed on and off since the age of about 15. I used to engage in self harming behaviours but stopped. I'm now 20 and In the past couple of months I've found myself feeling as if I'm back in that place, but it's different this time. I used to be very overly emotional, and I felt a deep sadness that would leave me teary a lot of the time. Now I feel empty and depersonalized, have no motivation or want to be here, and I experience an extremely strong urge to run away. It's starting to get in the way of my university work, and although I'm capable of sitting and getting it done, some days I just cannot concentrate for being lost in thought about other things.
I'm currently seeing a counsellor at university, with whom I have 2 sessions left. I've also made a doctor's appointment which is in 2 weeks to talk about trying medications- but I'm also quite anxious about this. I almost think that because I'm somewhat functioning that I don't deserve help, but at the same time I feel like I'm not coping and need it.
I have friends who I can talk to but generally try to keep it to my counsellor as I don't want to be a burden, but no one in my family knows.
Really I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experiences or if someone could offer tips for coping, and I'd like to talk to people:-)
Thank you for reading this
@Shan973 Hiya! Welcome to 7cups, I hope you're finding the support you're looking for, here ^-^ I'm really proud of you for stopping those self-harming behaviours :o it's not easy but you've done it, well done 
Feeling empty is definitely not a nice feeling :c *huggles* Eek, when it starts to get in the way of your work and life then it is probably a good idea to seek help as you have done :o It's totally alrighty to ask for help. I can totally understand why you would be anxious about it though. It's definitely scary talking to people about how you're feeling especially if you're uncertain as to why you feel this way. I'm glad you have people in your life you can talk to, do you find it helps talking them about it? How are you feeling on this particular day?
@Rose hey, thank you for your kind words! I'm doing okay, as in functioning, at the moment. Last night was really tough but I used meditation to get me through it. It's my last counselling session next week and we will discuss what i want to do next, then it's my doctors appointment. We've discussed ways I can go about trying to improve my situation presently, like not doing work in my bedroom so that it's a safe place and not a place of stress that makes me want to get away- I think that will help. I'm still finding it difficult reaching out to people though, particularly with the darker thoughts. I don't want to hurt people, but at the same time I hate being alone when it's that overwhelming! I'm just trying to take each day as it comes :-)
