Trigger Warning - Depression is taking over my life

Okay well, Ive been having a super rough week. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for ~6 years now, and it felt like I was finally starting to get a bit better. But now Im just feeling worse.

I triggered myself the other week into self harm, which is also something Ive dealt with quite a bit. And Im getting better at staying clean and cutting less, but lately, when I do cut its often worse. So anyways, I somehow triggered myself and all I could think about was cutting. I couldnt get it out of my head no matter what I did. Which ultimately lead to me relapsing, and it was pretty bad.

Its now been a week since then, and I get my stitches out in a few days which is nice. But Im still not feeling any better. Im still thinking about cutting a lot of the time. Im still very unmotivated and have no energy. Im a university student, and going to school is hard right now. And Im falling behind in all my classes which is making me feel worse. And yeah, Im just not doing so great.

And Im aware I need help. And Ive been trying. But the mental health care system is failing me. Ive been everywhere I can think of, and currently all I can do is wait because theres ridiculous waiting lists for everything. And everywhere else just keeps sending me away and doesnt bother trying to help me.

I feel stuck and alone and I need help and I dont know what to do anymore, because Im done trying.

Okay thats all, thanks for reading my mini rant aha