Tired of being tired

After some reflection over night, maybe I am a bad partner. Maybe it is me. Maybe I’m the problem.

Hey... Im not a therapist or counselor or anything, but I feel this post a lot. It hits close to my home too. I just want to say that youre not a bad partner. Youre not a bad person. Its not on us to make anyone feel what they feel, if that makes sense?

My husband and I go through almost the same thing. He has his own mental issues and I have my depression/insecurities/etc. Any time I say something as simple as "ok"? He starts into me about being argumentative or gaslighting him or you name it. He says that I dont understand him either and im just trying to "shut him up." Im not.... I'm too tired or struggling to explain myself to him. I wish he could see that. It isnt him, its my brain. My lack of words and ability to explain. However, i also believe its partially on him as well for not trying to take a step back and not take everything as a personal attack.

Ive always been told by my family that I'm dramatic, overreacting, its my fault, etc etc. The older i get the more i start to understand that its not my fault people dont understand me or what i say. I do try to help them, to make it easier, but feelings are so complicated. Its not as simple as everyone seems. All we can do is try though and keep trying. I do my best to explain myself the best i can while trying not to take what my husband says too personally.

I hope this helps in some way. Youre not alone. I hear you and I feel you. Dont give up, ok? Youre not a bad person. You're struggling like a lot of us are and its ok to reach out. There are a lot of us that understand. Its complicated, yes, but you can do this. I apologize for the rant.... Hugs, my friend. Its a beautiful day.

Hi @thoughtfulHickory4572. Thank you so much for sharing your concerns. I strongly empathize with your situation as I have been there as well I think. While I don't want to speak for everyone, I can say that when we are afflicted with mental stressors or mental illnesses (chronic or acute), it can certainly change the way we behave even around those whom we love the most dearly. Case in point is that I often show myself as irritable to my wife when I am in less than smooth waters mentally. It is not fair to her and yet I can act out almost impulsively. Now, I am not saying you are necessarily doing this, but it sounds like you and your wife are going through a bit of a rough patch and are suffering from similar sources of irritability to some extent. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but perhaps you feel your depression is not receiving the attention it needs and thus it may be leading to part of these disagreements?

I do want to encourage you that this can change. I also want to encourage you that communication and understanding in a relationship is a two-way street, but having a mental stressor or illness doesn't give us a license to act out, but hopefully it inspires others to want to help us. The fact that you are here and voicing your concern is healthy and admirable. You are admitting that things aren't where you'd like them and you are proposing a potential cause. These are such great initial steps my friend. I encourage you to message a listener or a therapist and establish a regular relationship with them so that you can explore this over the course of multiple chats and that person can observe how you or the situation changes over time and can be there for you or, in the case of a therapist, even give you actionable feedback as you combat this.

I encourage you to not give up and keep up the good fight. I sense you have a lot of love in your heart, my friend. You have been brave to open up and you deserve to be listened to and heard by someone while you on on this journey toward finding calm and balance now. Go forth and be well. :)

Best to you,

TwoCreamTwoSugar