Struggling to cope

I'm 23 and have had depression my entire life. I've dealt with a lot of abuse in my life, especially mental and emotional, so I thought I had been through all the ups and downs with my depression and thought I was getting a hold on it. Now I find myself constantly locked away in my room, not caring that the relationships around me are dying because it's like I'm fighting and screaming on the inside but I have no control over my body and brain anymore, and needless to say I haven't had the strength or motivation to take care of myself and I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months as consequence.

I'm so far down the hole I can't see any light in my surroundings and I'm just sitting around waiting and hoping the light will return soon.

I'm doing all the usual things to shake it off like distracting myself, doing self care, all that stuff. But it's like the pain is deeper this time and I can't just band aid it with a face mask and having clean laundry.

Has anyone else been this low? And how were you able to get out of it?