Sometimes I look at a scalpel and wish I had more courage
That's all.
I'm already dead, but every day I'm alive I'm just constantly fighting for my family and they don't love me and don't want me. It's gotten to my point now where my husband considers my crying an act of hostility and responds in kind. Scared? I'm starting a fight. Hurt? I'm starting a fight. Heartbroken? I'm starting a fight. Living life on three hours of sleep and coming home in tears from an unsuccessful attempt to get the teenager's school to excuse the time she spent in the mental hospital and thus avoid a trip to truancy court? OBVIOUSLY I'm starting a fight.
God grant me courage. I'm out of hope.
@turtling
God will grant it to you. Just ask Him
@turtling To continue fighting even when you don't even feel alive is admirable. It's not easy if your husband does not understand your pain or if your teenager is also struggling. However if you continue on, God will grant you courage and you will also find a courage in yourself. A bad day or couple of years does not equate to a bad life, so have hope in God and yourself even if it's not easy. One step at a time, one day at a time, and while it may not get easier, I hope you realize that God loves you and you also deserve your own love for fighting for this long.
@turtling
I'm all of my heart with you. I think you should fight with the life to live as you wish 
@turtling
I'm all of my heart with you. I think you should fight with the life to live as you wish