Sleeping

When my depression returned, I couldn't sleep, but since it's taken a dive for the worse all I do is sleep. I sleep through meal times and then I lack the energy to shower and clean. I take my medicine routinely but it doesn't work. I talk to my therapist and that helps. I've told my friends and I've asked them to remind me to shower and eat. I cut my hair because I couldn't keep up with it. And then I did something stupid and went on a date when I knew I wasn't ready, and the ensuing neuroticism and rumination ruined any possibility and added to my constant state of dread. I've had depression over the years, and I've normally been able to deal with it through exercise and eating right and reading etc but I haven't been able to muster the energy and concentration to do any of these things for almost two months. This is, in fact, the lowest I've felt in all my life. Lower than the ground. Infinitesimal, ugly, and stupid. All I do now is lie and make excuses why I can't see people or why I've done something instead of saying what I'm feeling. My skin is feverish, my head is light and unfocused, my limbs move automatically ands sometimes I truly think that my mind is eager to die but my body has some basic biological response that wants it survive. My life feels meaningless and even this message was a waste.