Sad
My next door neighbor died on Sunday. She was in her mid-90s and has not been doing well for the past few years. Before Christmas, she had to go into the hospital and then the nursing home due to having shingles. She never did get to come back home. She was a sweet lady, and I'll miss her.
My insurance company has a program that will help people dealing with situations (mine would be having been diagnosed with Type II diabetes and diastolic heart failure (DHF) relatively recently). Depression, diabetes, DHF, recent retirement, beginning some caretaker stuff for my mom and aunt...lots of adjustments. I'll have monthly phone meetings with a nurse which will be ongoing. I'll also be in an 8 week program with a therapist and life coach. I spoke with the therapist yesterday to get everything set up for that. She asked me questions like they do on here about how you've felt in the last week. I came out with severe depression. Severe! 
I thought I would actually be moderately depressed. The last few years have been much, much worse, and I'm feeling more uplifted and happy than I have in years. Gracious! What would she have told me before now???? 
That's caused me a bit of worry.
Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever claw my way out from under all of what's going on in my life. Maybe I'm not supposed to crawl out but learn to live life as it is. Or something in between. I don't know. All I know is that life will be changing drastically very soon. And if it doesn't, it should.
Hi Bridget. So sorry to hear about your neighbour. Bless her. It must be tough for you handling all the medical issues regarding your mum and your aunt and with the demise of your neighbour, it's true everything might become overwhelming. Hang in there. You are doing your best and things will be better. Give yourself a hug for being such a caring person.
@faithlove1111, thank you for the encouragement. It means so much. ♥
@BridgetAileen
Deep breaths, Bridget. 
I haven't felt this low in months. The more I try to fight it, the more it fights back. And right now, it has the upper hand. All I can do right now is cry.
And I was having such a nice 2016 up until this week. *huge sigh*
Maybe the blackness will lift. *another huge sigh*
@BridgetAileen
I'm right there with you. I'm back to not sleeping well. This has been one of my lowest weeks in quite some time. Unfortunately I'm also home alone this week. Sure I have people to call, but my depression, severe stress and a bit too much alcohol made me unable to control my emotions. And I said things I never would. I acted like... like someone I don't know.
6 straight days of headaches. 6 days of nausea. 6 days of remorse. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm still waiting for someone to say I'm a mistake and just not wanted here anymore.
This week, my depression is winning. I'm not me. I made mistakes and I can't fix it. But I can't seem to be able to forgive myself. I just don't know how.
Sad. It almost seems too light of a description. And yet, it's a perfect fit.
@GreyFeather I hope you can feel the huge hugs I'm sending your way. I'm so very sorry that this has been such a difficult week for you. It sounds like everything that's going on with the feelings, lack of sleep, regret over what happened is seriously beating you up mentally, emotionally, and physically. It's worse than awful when things pile up like that.
One thing that I do know is that I will be at the front of the line with the sign that says, "Those Who Wish to Reinforce GreyFeather's Worth and Value". And I don't say that "just to be nice" or because "that's what someone is 'supposed' to say". I truly believe it. Every single person has value, and that includes you, my friend. So many of us experience feelings of worthlessness and of feeling unwanted. You are not alone in that. Not by a long shot! You're not a mistake. You may make mistakes, but you are not one yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. We all make huge ones, too. But, like you said in your post, what you did or said doesn't represent the reality of who you are.
I'm glad you shared what you're feeling so that I can send you some huge hugs.
((((((((((GreyFeather))))))))))
Take care and be kind to yourself. ♥
6 straight days of headaches. 6 days of nausea. 6 days of remorse. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm still waiting for someone to say I'm a mistake and just not wanted here anymore.
This week, my depression is winning. I'm not me. I made mistakes and I can't fix it. But I can't seem to be able to forgive myself. I just don't know how.
Sad. It almost seems too light of a description. And yet, it's a perfect fit.
@BridgetAileen
Thank you. It means a lot. It's a stressful time in life right now. I'm juggling 2 jobs, going back to school for my 2nd degree, and single handedly planning a wedding. I'm down to the last three weeks and now it's all about the details. I'm the youngest of the group and am not quite ready for kids, but every one else is having them, so here I am, a decade after high school, finally feeling the pressure to have them. At least my other half is okay with not having them just yet. That's a small light for me.
On top of all that, my dad's getting married later this year. I'm meeting her two days before my own wedding. The stress from my family is never ending.
I need a vacation.
@GreyFeather, At least your other half isn't in a hurry to have kids imediately. It would be nice to finish up that 2nd degree first, wouldn't it? You have a lot on your plate, so be sure to take care of yourself. I know from personal experience that's easier said than done because sometimes we don't feel we have the time for self-care and some down time. But it's important!
If you ever need to be reminded how important you are, how strong you are, how fantastic you are, or anything like that, just post an @ to me in the forums or on my feed. I believe in you!!!
Hugs!
