Obsession...do I share my feelings with my therapist?

Absolutely say something. That's what the therapist is for. To go deeper into what's really going on inside you. There are streams of therapy in which "Tranference" is a great therapy tool!

@ClassicalMe

Ok i'll try this again. I tried to post but I don't know where it went. This is hard for me to disclose so anyone reading please respect how hard this is for me to share.

Normally when I am in a fragile state of mind I shy away from helping or supporting others but when I saw your post I felt I really needed to share my story with you as the exact same thing happened to me.

Over the years that I was seeing this particular therapist they began to cultivate a friendship with me outside of the theraputic relationship. At first I was hesitant to open myself up to this but gradually over time I began to let my guard down. The therapy and the friendship became mingled where we were having general chat during therapy sessions and therapy like sessions outside of therapy. As time went on I felt this person becoming closer and closer. I began to become infatucated just a little. I felt my judgemnet was becoming clouded. I tried to reach out during my therapy sessions with my dark feelings, as after all that was supposed to be the place that I should have been free to disclose these things. I started to feel that this person was the only one I could trust and the only one I wanted to be around. I mentioned to them some of my worries that I was becoming obsessed to which they replied no, that that is someting they are trained to monitor. After a while I felt them become more distant, more formal outside of the therapy session and yet I felt that my issues around depression after a while were not been taken seriously. I began to really become obsessed. The only time I felt ok, safe was when I was around them, but I really wasn't ok at all. I just was under some sort of delusion that I was because I was with that person. I felt needy, I would follow them, try and arrange things that would give me an excuse to be around them. I became jealous of other clients as I felt they were given more time than me, more love then me. During my therapy my dark feelings, my depression, the severity of my situation was becoming ignored, passed off, even mocked in some instances. I felt so confused, I was experiencing this huge struggle and yet was under the delusion that I was safe because I was with this person yet some of the things said by this personduring therapy- particularly towards the end left me feeling worse about myself, the world, life.

Things got so bad that I ended up having to go through a crises centre. Even though what was brought up during my time there was hard to hear and come to terms with I was actually glad that I had the freedom to discuss this honestly and that it was being heard and understood. It was only then that I came to all of the realisations that I mentioned above. When I disclosed this to this person with the help of new therapists this person actually became quite defensive and nasty. That was the last time we spoke. I was left feeling guilty, confused, crushed. I actually now have feelings of hatred towards this person which in turn feeds the guilt, that I could feel such feelings. I am trying to let go even though there are still a lot of things that remain and will remain unresolved for me. Like I said I am trying to let go.

I don't know how to advise you but I hope that by reading my story you feel not so alone and that it gives you insight where I had none to just how badly things can go if you ignore these intuitve feelings at this stage like I did. If you can't talk to the person themselves then find someone who will listen, understand and give the feelings the gravity they deserve.

Not a threapist maybe but I think I had something like this with my close friend. She was the only one I can talk to, for real, and we were so close. I didn't realize I become too attached to her until she started showing less interest to me. She started spending less and less time with me, barely talking, at least that's what I felt. I had to face with too much pain, memory loss, phsical pain, struggle talking. Please, please talk with your threapist. It can be really painful later. I'm so glad you realized it early. My guess is, when we struggle with too much pain and we find someone who can understand, we become obssesed with it. I am sure if your threapist is a good one, they'll understand your problems and not take it personally.