Nothing left

Hi @FoxPrince,

Im am so so sorry you feel this way. I completely understand that feeling of hoplessness or maybe even empyness. Your brave for even being able to say it aloud, I didnt say anything to anyone till they found out I was hurting myself. Even if you dont see it you are making an impact on people. You bring something only you can bring to the table. I can't tell you what that is because I dont know you but it could be your smile, your attitute, your opinions, your talents, or so many other things only you have (even if you might think otherwise). You are unique and you are valued. Even if you don't thinks so now or you don't have anyone now, you will. There is always a future for you if you are brave enough to reach for it. I sincerely hope something in this little responce clicked for you. Just know that you are strong, you are brave, and there is hope as long as you are breathing.

@DianaVesta246

I'm not really saying it out loud, no one in my life knows because I'm not close to anyone, no one would care beyond feeling bad for me and "relating". I feel like my only impact is a negative one. I also don't believe people are inherently special or unique....whatever I bring to the world, other people could do equally well if not better. I have no talents, I don't share my opinions, I basically just present nothing but fakeness out to the world so I can have as little a presence as possible. Because I don't really matter.

There may be a future for me, but it's most likely no better than where I am now. I don't like the way the world is, just full of hateful people, full of hurting and sad people, a fixed monotonous life we have to live, waking up every day to work or study to just do it all again the next day with pointless activities in between...nothing can change that that's how life is setup, and I'm not interested in it. I don't see how I'm brave or strong at all, it takes no effort to live, I'm not doing anything special. If anything that's just weak laziness.

@FoxPrince

I had that same mindset two years ago. I sat on my floor and hurt myself and thought about suicide because I thought who would care. I don't like to have many friends and when I get depressed I isolate myself even more so I had no one. I woke up, went to school, pretended that everything was alright, and I went home and shut myself in my room. I would spend the entire weekend in my room also. I would sit and think about how insignificant I was in the grand scheme of things. Thing is when my mom found out I hurt myself she was horrified and hysterical, along with the rest of my family. My friends didn't know how to react. The people I thought that I wasn't super close to anymore or people that didn't need me anymore showed me in that moment how wrong I was. Also it takes all the effort one has to live. To wake up day in and day out and keep moving forward and keep changing and growing. Killing oneself is hard for a few seconds and then it's over. At least it's over for you, not the people who you leave behind. The people you thought didn't care that then have to try to move forward in their life wondering what they could have done differently, wondering if only they had shown you more love, care, and attention, if you would still be there. Also I get looking at this world and what's ahead of you and hating it. Doing the same thing day in and day out. If you hate that idea so much, do something different. You could get a job that involves traveling and exploring the world or something along those lines. Just think of what a big world this is and all of the opportunities there are to do, well, anything. Life may suck now, I get that, trust me, but if you hold out a while longer you might just find something worthwhile to do, explore, learn about, ect. I won't tell you to ‘stay positive, I'm sure you hear that enough but maybe try to keep your eyes open to the possibilities of the world. Also remember that you're not alone in this. Myself along with i'm sure many of the people on here are either in the same head space or, have been in the same headspace, as you are in right now.

@DianaVesta246 I already know how my family reacts to self-harm and suicide, from how they reacted to my sister. Not really caring, more just thinking of themselves rather than the person. I don't have any friends I'm close to, and everyone is the basic "wow you never know someone's story, anyone who needs help can talk to me" and yet don't actually do anything or care that much beyond "oh that sucks, I feel the same sometimes." I've already seen how a suicide impacts people and, big surprise, life goes on. Sure, people are sad, and they can question themselves, but ultimately they keep living, have happy lives, and just move on. It's only a few years of sadness and then it's basically over. Nothing they can't get over in time. It's not that people don't "care", it's that I'm not an integral part of anyone's life, no one will be severely impacted by my not being here. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not that easy to just "do something different." You have to already possess a talent, or money, or connections, which majority of people don't have, which is why a majority of the people have to live the average life. The world is big, but you're limited in how much you can do by a variety of factors outside of your control. I got dealt an unlucky hand. It's not very comforting to know that there are so many other people feeling awful. Just reinforces how bad the world is setup.