Not being oneself when in a state of depression
A bit of background for my situation: I am in the situation of a not-so-well functioning adult living with his parents. Set back by a toxic marriage I'm now 31 y.o. People and I myself still expect a lot of me because I did manage to finish a PhD.
Now yesterday morning I told my mother I'm scared of falling back, remembering myself a year ago. It's as if a state of depression hit all too sudden, without much warning. And what happened that day was that I treated her, and my family in an unfair way when they attempted to push me to not be inactive. I'm just not myself when in such a state. And I'm so ashamed of myself. It's as if my brain is a computer on which, suddenly, a whole different program takes over.
Similar experiences? Advice?
It sounds that you're concerned about going back to the old ways in which you shut everyone out. It sounds that you're trying your best but that you have a lot on your plate at the same time as well.
@Asherwolfice
Not that I have a lot on my plate... at least not from an outsiders perspective. I do have a lot of challenges because of my mental health condition though, such as having to find a job in unconventional way.
But I'm scared of falling back into old ways because I felt that I've grown past it and overcome it. It makes me feel weak and I think my family will perceive me as weak because I should have overcome it
@LonerWolf1 Don't be afraid to take a break. IF you need a week to sleep in, skip meals and feel like crap that's okay. Just come back out of it, don't stay there. Different exercises and foods can help boost up endorphins. Do you think it's seasonal?
@DichotomousDetia
It is quite possibly seasonal. I live in the southern hemisphere - I'm in South Africa so it's summer and sunny here right now. What is confusing to me is that most people experience seasonal depression during winter. But I must say that, for me, hot sunny weather is indeed depressing. It feels emotionless, empty and void in a way.
@LonerWolf1
With the light levels during the winter you get less vitamin D which can effect your mood a lot. White skin people have lighter skin because they absorb more vitamin D because they're from places with less sunlight compared to dark skin people where there's more sunlight they need more protection from sunburn than they need to absorb more vitamin C. Or that's what I learned anyway I could be wrong
