Not Sure

Feeling unwanted useless sad and lonely I don't really want to write anything but I want to reach out for help but at the same time I want to distance myself and drown in my sorrows. I want to be with people but I want to push them away I don't want to be vunerable to them I want to just disappear and scream but no sound comes out. Im frustrated and I don't know what else to do my head hurts and I just want my pain to go away. I know that I feel like im just complaining and my life and my struggles mean absolutely nothing to everyone else because i know more people struggle more than I do just because I have mental pain doesnt give me a right to feel this way and I just am so useless and no one cares about me no matter how many times im told people care i dont want them to care about me I just want to go away i dont want to see them I want to hurt them but im not that kind of person I cant I don't have the heart to actualy hurt somebody. Just make the pain stop make my head stop spinning and make this overwhelming feeling stop. It hurts too much I'm crying but it just makes it hurt even more its not helping and I'm really feeling uneasy and I'm sorry this is a total mess I'm a total mess I can't do this anymore and I just want to vent and I feel really horrible inside...