My anxiety and depression are ruining my relationship
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over six months. Hes the most loving, supportive man Ive ever met and when I told him a few months ago that I feel hopeless and suicidal a lot, he said that he could relate because he feels the same way. Ever since then weve called our depressive moods ‘states and weve agreed that we will always keep communication clear and open and that we will always help each other out of a state no matter the cost.
The only problem is that now, Ive started having them a lot more than him because of exam stress and my unhealthy relationship with my family. It happens at least once a week now. But before, where he was very understanding and supportive, now he tends to become more cold and unemotional with me. And I find it a bit unfair because I know that Id never do that to him.
He tells me that I just need to stop worrying about the future and ‘cross my bridges when I come to them, but he doesnt understand that I literally cannot stop worrying, ever, and that him being cold with me never helps. I just feel like an abusive piece of shit that never does anything right and I dont know what to do.
TLDR: My tendencies to worry and stress out make my boyfriend mad at me, so I want to learn how to stop worrying/getting depressed about things that dont matter. How do I do this?
@LydiaWatsonWinchester
Hello there,
Thank you for such an honest and thought provoking post. It sounds like you've both been struggling for so long and when you're in a relationship and both of you are depressed it can be exhausting for both of you, sometimes it also becomes a negative cycle for both of you that it is hard to break out of.
Do you have any other support other than your boyfriend? His cold ways towards you may symbolise that it's become a little too much for him to handle himself especially with his own depression. It does not necessarily mean that anything is wrong in your relationship it may just mean that finding some more support for yourself will reduce the strain on your relationship too. We all suffer strains in relationships but it's made even more complicated when there are mental health issues too. Whilst you're in a relationship, what do you do for yourself that makes you happy? Also what does your boyfriend do for himself? It's important you find some outside experiences that give you joy instead of solely focusing on the relationship too. You need to practice self-love before you can love someone else and feeling like the way you do about yourself is only going to make you feel even worse too.
Have you ever been treated for your depression? That can also make a huge difference as sometimes we just need a little extra help too! Try to practice acceptance of your depression too as resisting it can make everything feel even worse too. It also sounds like there are some situational issues happening too, you're worrying about exams... can you get extra support? Are you dedicating enough time to revision? What about looking after your health, are you sleeping enough? Eating healthily and exercising? All of these play a huge role in a more positive mental health outlook too.
Lisa
@LisaDeRegtBScPsychCogDipCounsDip
Thank you for such a helpful response!! Im going to discuss most of these points with my boyfriend the next time I see him so just know that Im very grateful for the advice!
-Lyd
@LydiaWatsonWinchester
I hope it goes well for you! :)