Missing Depression?
This might sound weird and insensitive and I apologize beforehand! Please I hope it doesn't upset or trigger anyone currently struggling!!
I've been recovering from my depression and self harm for a few years now, and while I've had many dips and things, I consider myself pretty much stable right now. But I almost have a weird nostalgia feeling around my depression. It's like sometimes I feel like it impacted my personality to a point and now sometimes I feel confused about who I am without it.
Considering it took up pretty much all of my teen years- it's kind of like a formative part of me is gone now that I'm recovered for the most part. And sometimes I miss that part of myself, even though it was awful to go through. Like I would never wish depression on anyone at all, and yet there's something about it I miss.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Once again I apologize if this is insensitive to anyone struggling I don't mean to minimize your feelings or problems AT ALL I hope everyone gets help for depression/mental health issues I promise it's worth it!
@LyssSky03
Hey Lyss,
Your personal experience isnt mine, but you expressed yourself in a way that helped me understand. Depression envelopes our entire existence and its merges with our identity. So what happens when you live in depression for a long enough time, and then, it suddenly isn't there? It means you are now in the wilderness, the land of the unknown and you might be anxious about what lies ahead.
It reminds of people who have been incarcerated and have no idea what to do upon release. They actually miss jail, they miss the structure and they even feel safer locked up than in the outside world. With enough time, anything can become comfortable: whether it be jail, depression, a toxic relationship, or even hell.
But this is your new life. And it must be anxiety provoking, but you can choose to explore this new terrain at your own pace and remember to have at least one good friend by your side.
You can do it!
MAUS
@DangerMaus
Thank you very much for your encouraging words! Yes, there was definitely something comforting about living in my depression. It kind of kept the world small for me, and now that it's big and full of possibilities, I'm a little lost. Happy and free for sure! - but still kinda lost.
And it's not a bad thing at all, I'm very happy to be recovered and able to explore all the possibilities in the world! But yeah sometimes I do just miss the comfort I gained in my depression, because now I have to build a "new normal" to get comfortable in, and it might take some time :)
@LyssSky03
Hi! I read your post and, although I didn't go through the same experience you described, I can understand your feeling. We all tend to want to go back to the things that make us feel "ourselves" again, in which we identify ourselves, and it's not different even if they are bad habits or heavy moods. I think it's normal to feel a little bewildered or even "bored", when passing from one state to another, from one situation to a very different one. Especially if the first situation took up much time in our very young life and we are used to identify in this experience and base our actions and thoughts on that experience. So I think that what your going through is really normal, maybe I could suggest that you take things easy now and just enjoy the aspects you like of your new situation and state of mind. And when moments come when you feel like you don't really feel who you are and recognize yourself as you mentioned, just think that this is normal in the process of undergoing some change, there are moments when we disconnect a little from our past and it may feel a little weird to us inside, but it's actually ok, we can take our time to adjust ourselves with our new situation and feelings, and it's alright since it's for the best. I wish you to enjoy nice moments in your present and future days! All the best!
