Major depressive disorder and complex ptsd
Ok here we go, I was physically,sexually and emotionally abused from the age of 4 to 13 by family members. I am 49 now and 2 plus years ago all the pain came racing back. Memories and intrusive thoughts haunt me every day. I was basically able to maintain my life before . Now I only want to escape and run,two things I could not do as a kid. I just can't understand how the people who were supposed to protect and love me could do such hurtful things. I am falling to pieces quickly! Do they even know how badly I am suffering ? Also how can I stop dissociating and isolating ? I am freakin afraid to leave my house!! What's going on?????
The same has happened to me I mean it won't get any better but you need to learn to cope with it and I hate coping skills so much but please try.... even if it means getting a pet or anything just so your not as lonely
Yes I am finally beginning to realize that it doesn't get better. It's really a life sentence you know?
Hey there,
it does get better, if you believe it.
you see, if you choose to accept your past no matter how hurtful it is, and decide that it will no longer affect your life you can break free.
its really really hard, you need to tell someone close like a friend and ask him/her to stay with you no matter what you say, you need to go out. Away, but take your friend with you so you won't feel alone. Everything will get better
Totally agree. It does get better and getting a support group and working your way through it wasgreat for meget over mefears and troubles .
Saying it doesn't get better isn't the most supportive thing someone could say. Plus it's not true. It can get better. Is it easy? No. Is it quick? No. It can get better with a lot of work with the right professionals.
I have been working very hard to heal. I have been to numerous therapists and been prescribed many different medications. I'm tired of all of it. And I am really tired of being promised it will get better. It's clear that the first reply is the most truthful.
I can't and won't make any promises to you about whether or not things will get better, but what I can tell you is there are coping mechanisms and things you can try if you want things to change. What you're going through is really tough, and I feel for you, but if I didn't know things can change (even if they don't always change the way we want or expect) I wouldn't be a listener. We're here to support you and I hope things do start to get better for you, even if you don't believe they can.
I'm thinking that you're trying to get better too fast. Anything worthwhile takes a great deal of time and patience. Lots of patience. You see, many people fail because they take steps that are toobig for them and when they fail, they get more upset with both themselves and their situation
I liked myself better when all of this trauma was tucked away inside. My life is more than half over now and I am sorry but I do not have the strength or courage to move forward. I don't even know who I am or was . I was dedicated to healing doing every thing I was told and attending therapy faithfully for over a year. Very little change has happened and I was giving 100% of myself to healing.
That's so true! I realised that when things r inside of u u r more happy then when u reveal them out. everyone gives u their own set of thoughts and u end up feeling guilty rather than being strong!
Hi Broken49,
I have the same experience, but I think the only cure is to face your problem by putting those who did this to you to justice. Don't run again by taking pills and therapists, they don't work, they make you feel meek, you need to be angry.
Thank you.
Wait.... How would you know that I run and hide?
So true
Hello B,
I am sorry for all the suffering you had to deal in your life. I dealed with something similar as a child and as a result my relation with some humans is still a mess. I can recommend to take care of you phisical healt, make sure u drink lots of water and do sports to keep ure mind clean. Cook, clean...Also speak with ure doctor to find a solution to relax ure mind. I recommned some natural suplements like valerian or st john wart. Good luck!
So what makes you want to leave your house? I know that from what you have said, I wonder if you are right now feeling that you cannot trust anyone in this world because of the fact that those who are close to you are abusing your trust? What if you make the commitment that you will meet somebody new here everyday, then who do you want to meet first? Try doing that during your time at your location and see what happens.
Thank you for all of the responses. I appreciate it . I am trying to keep my head up. I heard a good saying the other day. It goes something like this- " the greatest loss in life is not death , the greatest loss in life is when something dies inside of us while we still live".
We can do some brainstorming if you want to talk about this in chats.
I would be okay with that.
No matter how hard we try to avoid it, it always comes back to us huh? I am the queen bee of avoidance behavior, so much so I ended up homebound agoraphobic for several years.
Let's just be real here, what happened to you sucks and being able to live your life without really having to deal with then all of a sudden BLAMO it hits you? Sucks even worse. And all the "it gets better" promises start feeling condescending because all you can think about is how you feel right now in this moment.
If you want to talk about it, my inbox is always open. xx
Yea something like that. I wish I could have seen the writing on the wall sooner. I was not ready for the fall! Thought I had it under control, all the trauma. Turns out it is controlling me! And yes it does suck. I thought I already paid the price for other peoples mistakes. Wrong again!!!!
Well me I thin I have been sexually abused by father and its hard to remember i was so young.I've been sexually abused by one guy he forced me and I was molested by him till s day I still remember and I have a boyfrid who sometimes sexually abuses of me to.the pain and sometimes was unbearable.when I did with him I was scared.but I was brave and its made me scared of people not able to trust no one.its really bad because the same thoughts coming the same pain and the memories made me angry at him I felt like killing him and killing myself but.I try not to be angry with the people who have hurt me.but its not hurting myself through suicide or drinking.I need to be healed from it my mind and soul because its very painful emotionally and mentally
There's hope
Hope? How long do I have to believe in hope. What should I hope for? I feel like a piece of trash- you know like easily discarded and thrown away. And you know what bothers me to this day? I never defended myself. I never fought back and I never told anyone . Doesn't that make me no better than my abusers. Aren't I just as responsible for what happened? ABSOLUTELY !
'Hope' is just a sugar-coated rainbow-sprinkled lies in a beautiful box.
Hope, eh. Biggest bullshit ever told.
I totally agree!!!!!!!!!
You will do and believe what you want. If you don't want support it doesn't matter what anyone says. If you think its hopeless then it will be hopeless. It's up to you. There are many people willing to offer their support but if you choose to stay sick that's where you'll stay. It's your choice.
I disagree.
Don't you think if my illness was a choice, that I would choose to be better? Believe me if I could "choose" as you say to be better I would have done so by now!!!!
"It will get better" can seem so hollow, can't it? Everyone reacts to situations differently, and for so many people to throw that out so many times it can become more frustrating than comforting. They haven't been through what you have, so how can they understand?
Don't beat yourself up for what you did or didn't do when you were a child. As hard as things of ths nature are to handle as an adult, they're so much more difficult for children. These people that are supposed to help and support you are the ones doing the most deplorable of things. If they would do that, who else can you turn to? How can you trust some other adult when these others have broken your trust?
Unfortunately you can't change the past, but you can work toward creating a future that you are happy with. In this site, you're surrounded by openminded people that are willing and eager to listen and to support you through this as best they can. Just opening up can be a wonderful first step! I know that I'd be happy to listen any time if you just want an ear or a shoulder, or maybe want to bounce some ideas back about how to work toward finding that happiness that you deserve <3
Thank you for your words of caring. My spirit has been broken and my belief in people hasbeen severely affected! I struggle ever second of ever minute of every hour of everyday..... And soon.thank you for your offer to help. I am lost and confused
Thank you, opening up is like reliving the traumatic experiences . When I talk about it, heavy duty anxiety hits me and I dissociate. Sometimes I don't even have to talk about it for dissociation to happen. It's random and unpredictable. I am terrified to re visit the past. I want to heal. How can I heal though if I can't stay in the present? No sadly I don't know my triggers.
Hey there B. You are not alone!!!! No matter what you may think. It is harder than anyone knows, what you are going through. No amount of advice or trite sayings can possibly help. Yet, we hope that our reaching out to you places a seed of hope inside you. Tuck it away and keep it. You have been hurt, and it has only been 2 years since you started letting it out, I think. So it may take more time.
In our culture, we think it will all get better if we get it out in the open. Truth is, some things are so awful that when brought to light, it takes too much of our power. Yet, there is still a tiny seed of hope within you that will not give up even when it looks like you have given up on the outside. We all have this, believe me, this little seed of hope.
THis is what hope is, it is not "oh everything will be ok" but sometimes it is just a little whisper, saying HEY we love you. We will not give up on you. Hang in there one more day.
Hugs and much love sweetie!!!!!
Brenda......
Thank you. I suppose that tiny seed inside of me needs a lot of water in order to grow. You are right about hope and what it means. So many therapists have told me that it's going to be okay or they make promises that it will get better. It's okay though. I know they are only trying to help . Since being traumatized at such a young age, I have trust issues and trouble letting others get close to me. Your post is inspiring today! I hope that I can carry that thought of hanging on for one more day into tomorrow.