Loss of Feeling for a Loved one - Has anyone ever experienced this?
I have been dealing with a really odd and scary feeling that just recently came over me in the last couple weeks. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a while with the help and support of my amazing boyfriend who I truly love. Then, all of the sudden, It's like I stopped being able to feel certain feelings with him. It's really hard to explain, and I have never felt this way before but it's like the chemical reaction that gives me that warm fuzzy feeling towards him almost just stopped. At first I thought maybe I was just really down because I was afraid to have to end things with him due to the fact that I maybe don't love him. But it all just felt so wrong because there is no way I could within a week go from being madly in love with him to just not feeling anything for him. It didn't feel right to me so I looked on the internet and found some forums about people who have felt this exact same thing. A part of me deep down knows I absolutely love him but this lack of feeling feels strange and scary. Every timeI look at him now I feel such saddness and guilt that I feel this way. It gives me even greater anxiety and sadness now when I go to see him because I feel guilty for feeling this way but at the same time I know I don't want to lose someone that I truly know somewhere deep down I do love just because there is something broken in me. I feel afraid that I will feel this awful feeling every time I see him now and that that alone will be to painful to deal with so i'll have to end it. I feel like I cant win because I truly want to be with him, but this loss of feeling scares me so much that it's hard to be around him now. I just feel really stuck and panicedabout this. Has anyone ever experienced this before? Or anyone have any helpful advice or resources?
What happened did he do something? Say something wrong?
He never did anything wrong no, he has been really supportive. That's what was so scary to me is there literally was no fight or big event or anything. Within one week I couldnt feel the feelings for someone I have been madly in love with for a year. It scares me becausein some way I do know I love him and it's really painful to be having these weird sensations. He is supportive but im afraid that telling him this will just make him feel scared and insecure and cause more strain on the relationship. I read somewhere on a forum that you should never make a big life change/decision when you know your in a bad place because you may not be thinking clearly. This is why I feel so stuck. I feel such sadness in knowing that on some level I do love him but It's hard to feel. And I dont want to lose someone and then get better and realize that's not what I want, especially since he has been nothing but there for me. I just dont know what to do but i Hope i feel back to normal soon.
I've experienced it. I felt very confused just like you, because I knew that mentally I was in a really bad place and that made me had mixed feelings about me and what I needed and with him, knowing that someone who cares for you is there at least to hear you is great but if you keep on having or well not having the same feelings about him, you should talk to him, if he's supportive as you said maybe ya'll come out with a way of work things out if that is what you really wish. Consider it. Also remember that first you have to be good with yourself and how you feel about you. Adding more issues when youre trying to work others is a nightmare I get you but that's just my humble opinion based on the experience I had.
I have. My dad just left me one day and never came back. I was too little to understand at the time. My mom said he's just going on a long vacation.
I can relate.Loss of feeling is also known asanhedonia. I wish I never learned what that word meant, but I have been living with it for six months now. It is a living hell and I am praying it will go away.
It is great that he is being supportive. I agree with others that this will go away once you take care of your self. Have you tried therapy?
I have never tried therapy before, have you? And yeah some days I can get out of my head and feel the way I used to, and then some days I'm back to having this feeling. On the good days I do feel like once I get back to normal myself, everything will fall into place but it isscarythinking, what if I just can't get back to normal and I lose someone I care about because it's just to painful to be with him feeling this way?
It sounds like worrying about that loss of love is only making your other feelingsand mental health stuff more challenging to deal with because now you have all this guilt and anxiety about what you should do about him and that when he supports you through your other mental health stuff those feelings only intensify.
When this happened to me I was just in an incredibly bad place in my life. I ended up ending the relationship after spending several trying to "solve it" but what I didn't realize then was that I needed help not our relationship. A few months after I'd ended it I actually started having feelings for him again except that now we weren't together anymore. I'm still not sure if I should ask him out on a date again. Despite all of that, not having the stress of that relationship really helped me because I could be selfish and just focus on what I needed without worrying about our relationship 24/7. In hindsight if I'd known what was going on I think something less final than breaking up might have worked for me. I'd have liked to have shared with himwhat was going on (which would have been painful but no more painful for me than the months of doubting or the breakup itself civilized as it was) and to have asked for his support though I'm not sure what that would have been. A break? Acceptance from him that I did love him but couldn't feel it at the moment or do romantic things for a while? A period where we were more like close friends?
I'm not saying that any of those solutions are what you should do but I thought you might find it helpful to hear about what my feelings were like then and now.
It is helpful to hear, thank you for posting. When I start feeling a bit better I can cope with the 'doubts' and the worry better because I am confident in what I know in my heart and even though I still worry about if the feelings will come, back at least I know for sure that I want to keep trying because it will be worth it in the end. So once you yourself started feelingbetter, you started feeling those feelings again? I definetly don't want to break up and lose some ones I love but you are right that I spend so much time worrying about it that it's hard to even deal with any other feelings I have just in general with myself. He obviously knows other things I am going through but I am afraid if I tell him about the loss of feelings things he will be hurt on some level, even if he tries to be supportive. I am afraid that the hurt will make him feel insecure and always make him question if I am going to end it. Since I myself am kind of freaking out over the relationship I am afriad telling him and having him worry all the time too will just make the whole situation even worse. Knowing what you know now, do you wish you could have explained it to him and tried to work through it with him?
I just reread and saw what you said about if you could go back and do it again - thanks for your story it helps hearing it from someone who has come out the other side
I'm glad that it helped. That fear was definitely true for me even if I had known that it was because of mental health back then. And for a long time afterwards I was very worried about involving myself in another relationship in case it happened again and I broke someone else's heart. As far as what my journey looked like, things had been off feeling for about four months. I avoided him because I didn't want to spend time with him like I had before but I fooled myself into thinking it was how much work I had. When the work finally let up and I had time for my own thoughts I realized that all that time I hadn't felt like I loved him even though I had before. I'd actually waited to say "I love you" for ages because I had to be sure (while he's told me much earlier) so I was really devastated. I waited a few days to be sure and then I told him and apologized and you know said he should be with someone that loved him like he deserved and not me. A few months passed. I missed him a lot at first, just the support and the cuddles and himself but I knew it was for selfish reasons not love reasons. Then I started thinking about dating again with my mental health in a better place but none of them felt right even if I was having fun. A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend about him and I remembered our talks about plans and the future and I just started bawling. That was when I started feeling the twinges again. And when I saw him again there were more twinges and suddenly I was trying to figure out if I should ask him out again. I'm still not sure in large part because we haven't had a good talk since. I don't know what it would have been like of we'd stayed together. If it would have taken longer with the pressure of our relationship for me to get in a better place or shorter thanks to his support. And I know that him knowing how I felt would be hard even if it was because of my mental health. But I think that having that talk would have helped me figure out what things he was doing that would make me feel like a bad person for not wanting and what things were still welcome. For instance, chatting with him was fine but cuddling which I love made me super anxious. I really couldn't handle being told that he loved me either. Are there any things like that for you? If so maybe doing less of them would help prevent it from being so distracting.
I experienced exactly this in a past relationship. It happened almost overnight. In my case, people directed me to think back and try and see if there was something he said that hurt me and made me lose my trust in him. At first I was sure there was nothing, but after a while I realized there was, and that the loss of feeling happened exactly around the time of what he said that hurt my feelings.
Try and think back to see if anything happened - it could be something really small.
Also, I stayed in that relationship an extra year even though I was unhappy. I don't recommend that.
Good luck!
I have this feeling right now and I feel so empty I have no reason to be depressed but I am and this boy is so good to me but it's like he annoys me over something so tiny I don't even want to cuddle or kiss him I just want to be not touched I just don't know how to overcome this.
I completely know how you feel. Before I got the sudden loss of feeling I was so angry and annoyed at the stupidest things. Some of which used to be things I actually LIKED. I am about 3-4 weeks into this and there have been some moments here and there where I feel okay again and I feel the same way once again. In those moments I ALWAYS beg myself to fight for it and not forget that the feeling is possible again.But every time It leaves I feel disheartened by the whole thing once again. The only good thing (and honestly sometimes it can feel kinda like a BAD thing) is that at least you KNOW what is happening. When this first occured I was so scared and confused that I could just fall out of love with someone amazing that I just felt like a horrible person - incapable of love. After going online and finding so many people feel the same it helped me to calm myself down a bit and just try and remember that my brain chemistry is playing tricks on me right now, and those tricks have transformed into so much worry and anxiety in my head. Just remind yourself that your brain chemistry does not decide who you love, you do, and you don't feel as powerless to all of this. I also have to keep reminding myself that it IS POSSIBLE to get back. It's scaryand disheartening to go around thinking there is nothing you can do - and although I am still super worried, just three weeks ago I was in such a bad place with all of this I literally would cry every timeI would see him because I felt like I was seeing him for the last time and it broke my heart. Not only that, but the thought of all this literally tortured me all day. I would make it through work then cry every night and start the process all over again the next day. I went from that to 3 weeks later I can AT LEAST hang out with him and have momements of genuine enjoyment. I still sometimes get really caught up in my head but i'm getting better and better at just being in the moment. Even though this is not ideal, to think that I couldn't even look at him without crying three weeks ago gives me hope that I can get back to normal, even though i can say for SURE it won't be an overnight success (as none of this is) and it's something you'll have to accept and be patient with.
Yes I feel this a lot and I notice the older I get the worse the feeling becomes ... I feel this towards my husband and my kids my sisters nieces and nephews the only song I know that describes this is the song from Alicia keys called " falling"... It's right on cue exactly...
Breathe Breathe and Breathe!!!
That is exactly what I feel like doing right now.
I don?t have any different tale to talk about. I am 26, typical girl from a lower middle class family with a more than average salary with a dream to get married. But, unfortunately it is not happening.
I never believed in that whom you love truly has to be loved always. I fell in love, again, with the same person I did for when I was a teen. It was very convenient to accept that that time it was an infatuation, though the inner conscience liked to believe that it?s more than that. The best part was I did not expect anything out that feeling and moved on in life but never did I had a moment where I did not think about him. I kept lying to myself whatever it is, I will get over it, but the truth remained I did not.
I always knew we were two very different people. What he wanted was different than what I expected for it. But one thing that is there the concern that I have for him. I decided to move on. Today I am in a relationship with someone else, wonderful person, humble, sweet, a perfect man, any girl would like to be with, but still my heart is with the person whom I loved the first in my life, knowing the fact that he may not like me, he likes dating more than commitment. I still want to believe that no, he is a different person. I am not able to imagine my life without him. My dreams are suddenly changing.
I can?t hurt the person who I am with now and his family. I am not selfish. Till date I thought I loved him, but with the first one return in my life, I have now realised I can?t love anyone as much I do him. I can?t be in love with anyone but him. Yes, I LOVE HIM, but I will never accept it and I don?t expect anything from it.
He has taught me what is love, love is not about being wanting to be with each other, it?s not about holding hands, being together, having family, spending each day together, it?s about hoping for all the happiness of the person you love wherever he is. Love is not even knowing whether the person whom you love, loves you back.
I don?t know whether he loves me but I love him and I really wish him happiness and good life. I don?t have to be with him to love him.
