Living life on the edge
Hello Readers,
I've been living life for the past three years with this unshakable depression. I've been through a verbally abusive aunt, a horrible relationship that knocked me down, in and out of homes, being down graded in a program that's supposed to help me be successful, and pretty much the works. I can never have a moment where I can be happy. It's gotten to the point to where I can't fully enjoy my current relationship of over a year with a better significant other, it hard for me to find a good job due to my low confidence, and I can't survive a day without almost have a panic attack. I miss the days when I could smile. Hopefully something will change one day.
Congratulations on taking the first step to feeling better: coming here and sharing. Most of us have, at one time or another, been where you are (and many others in much worse places). We have great empathy for you, and the message that your feelings will NOT last forever. I am sure that you will hear good ideas to help you shake your depression, and hopefully one will resonate with you.
For myself, one key was to stop listing what I thought were the reasons for my depression (and I had told myself that there were many 
), and to recognize that perhaps the reason for my depression was that I could not stop thinking about these events. Really really bad things happen to everyone. Those people that have a good control of their thoughts are able to move forward from these events, and focus on the present, on the needs around them, and on the future.
On the other hand, those that, like I used to be, did not even understand that they COULD control which thoughts their brain chose to focus on, allowed their thoughts on the past to take over their entire being. Once I understood this, and took steps to control what I thought of, I was freed from the shackles of constant negative thoughts. Of course, it wasn't immediate or easy, but pursuing this path saved my life.
If this sounds like it could help you, Google some articles on controlling the monkey mind (this is a name for when the mind races around on its own, ultimately focusing, even against your wishes, on only bad things) or mindfulness meditation. FYI the purpose of meditation is not to relax, it is to regain control of your thoughts, and ultimately, how you feel.
Best wishes to you, and take care.
