Living With An Uninvited Guest...

It visits randomly. I'll be out with my family, doing my homework, working, or talking to the love of my life. I can be having the best day ever or the worst, it doesn't matter. I could be working my hardest or doing nothing at all. I get no warning that it's on its way, I do not hear the door unlock, I'm not prepared at all. It can stay for days on end or leave within 10 minutes. But in those 10 minutes, just like those couple of days, it still hurts the same.

I don't favor the cold company, I don't like how they treat me in front of others, I don't enjoy the comments made about me..but I let it stay. I let it pull me back into bed and force me to call out of work just so I would give it more attention and lets talk about every stupid thing youve done since 2nd grade...I let it make decisions for me like did i really want to hang out at the movies with friends? I let it tell me whether or not someone loves me instead of having them speak. I let it talk for me at my doctors as I sit quietly in that cold hard chair while they go on and on about how I feel so much better that I don't even need medication.

It pulls the plug and drains me of every other emotion except all the ones I don't want to feel. Feeding off the crumbs of my empty plate because I forgot to eat for the 3rd day in a row now. It picks at my skin when I'm trying to sleep wanting to talk more and more knowing I do no talking in the conversation, all I do is cry...and cry..and cry..I swear I'm not feeling sorry for myself, my eyes just can't close shut and my mouth cannot open. Having an arm around my neck, gasping for happiness, I sit there and begin to lose my vision, almost about to let go...

But when it leaves...when it's gone..everything is okay, I'm okay...I can feel my smile again and finally talk. I can talk about how I really feel and go to bed with peace..but even if it's gone, even just for 10 minutes or days on ends...it comes back.