Just one of those bad days...

I just want to share. I’m feeling really down. I’m trying hard not to be. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I pretend I’m close to my family but really keep up this act that I’m okay when I’m with them. It’s getting harder to keep up the act. I’m trying not to cry randomly or say gloomy things around them. Talking about mental health with them is kind of taboo. Believe me I tried. I tried to tell them and all they said was “it’s all in your head” “You’re not depressed” Maybe it is all in my head. I’ve had a bleak outlook on life since I was a kid. I was 10 when I first wished I was dead. And now I’m an adult, just turned 30 and unable to form a connection with anyone. I even moved away from home. Away from everything familiar and haven’t made much progress in my social life besides seeing a therapist regularly for almost 4 years. Therapy has helped me cope with most things... Except days in between my appointments like today. I feel like I’m such a failure. I’m just tired and sad all the time. I want to stop crying during my work breaks and at home. It’s getting harder to make it to work too. Thankfully I have a flexible schedule but in my better days I’d be there at 7am... but lately I find myself coming into work at 9am. I feel like a mess. Thank you for listening.