In a rut
Hi tea drinkers, I would like to hear your thoughts on the situation I'm in. My job ended in August and due to numerous reasons (which I may cover in another post) I haven't fully decided what to do yet. I'm scared of taking up another job as I've had mixed experiences with all the other jobs I've had, such as feeling as though I'm too slow mentally, to panic attacks before a shift starts and moments when my anxiety gets the better of me. Oh and as for job hunting? Either my nerves get the better of me or end up being hopelessly depressed and think about how I can't do anything.
Outside of the issue about work and job hunting, I have so little motivation. It definitely isn't down to laziness as I'll do house work, walk the dog, clean and tidy etc but otherwise I feel like I drift through the day. I spend time with my family and talk to my partner and friends who live at the opposite end of the country but otherwise I've lost my passion for things that I used to enjoy such as writing and drawing.
I just keep thinking: I don't know what I'm doing, and there are other people who can write and draw better than me so why bother?
WelcomeKetsuki, and thank you for sharing this with us! I am so sorry for all the mixed emotions you're dealing with right now. :(
If you do not mind me asking, do you mind telling us what careers you have had versus the career you wish?
Hope to hear from you!
Thanks for your kind words Ejj! :) I'm going through a difficult time right now but at the same time I realise how lucky I am. That realisation makes me feel guilty when I consider how worse off others are and yet I know my struggles are real.
Ambivalence aside, I have worked as a cleaner and found that I was forgetting things, making mistakes because I was asked to work faster, and jokingly referred to as mentally slow. Eventually I lost that job and found employment as a nursery nurse which I really enjoyed, however my hours were inconsistant as it was a temporary job (more a zero hours contract if you're familiar with the term) and despite asking for more hours and training I had to let it go. New management took over in the New Year and my steady-ish hours dropped to nothing. Next, I began working in a call centre dealing with insurance which really tested me. I tried to grasp what was asked of me but there were times when I would have panic attacks before my shift would begin and other times when I would be upset by a caller and hide in the ladies as I needed to cry. That was also a temporary role.
Ugh. I feel so useless.
Thanks for responding,Ket.
I wouldn't feel useless! These are jobs that aren't necessarily working out for you. Let's be realistic here: Albert Einstein had such a horrible memory that he couldn't remember his phone number, yet he was a genius in his own way.
The same goes for you,Ketsuki. We all have strengths and weaknesses and you just need to find yours. There is no one, and I repeat NO ONE, who excels at everything. I myself would probably have failed all those jobs actually. None of them are in my area.
May I ask, what do you wish to be? (not sure if you covered that answer)
Thank-you Ejj. I completely forgot to mention what I wanted to do! It seems I got a bit lost there.
It is funny you should mention Albert Einstein not knowing his own number as I'm exactly the same. Numbers are not my strong point.
As for work I'd like to do, I know that I would hate to be stuck in an office all day. I wouldn't mind working outdoors but I haven't looked much further into that line of work to see what is available. I've always loved animals, and have researched this a fair bit and sadly it seems as though the majority of work with animals is voluntary. Another idea is working with my partner who works as a carer, but I'm quite nervous about following suit especially with my anxiety.
