I’m tired
Hi, I just can’t do it anymore. Throughout my life, I’ve never seem to be happy. Everything just feels like a burden. I always just feel so alone. I have no close friends whom I can share my feelings to. My family and I just don’t connect in that way. No matter what I do I can’t seem to find something that makes me want to live. I’ve tried countless of hobbies and sports hoping to find something that brings joy. But in the end, it just makes me feel more empty and more depressed. Its been really hitting me hard recently with school too. I try so hard and spend all my time studying to get that sense of purpose and achievement, but in the end what did I get? I feel more depressed than before. I worked so hard only to find more sadness. And it extends far beyond school. Everything is a burden and always brings back sadness and pain. I’m just so tired of everything. I’m always putting others over myself because it gives me a sense of purpose. They say to give things time, but I’m just so tired of waiting. When will I be happy? Why can’t I be selfish for once? Recently I thought I found that happiness and sense of purpose when I met my girlfriend who is now my ex. We’ve been together for 2 years and I finally was feeling happy and saw something for me in the future. It’s not good to rely on someone for your happiness, but I just couldn’t find that something else that’ll make me happy. After the breakup, it seems true that everything ends up badly for me; maybe happiness wasn’t meant for me. In addition I had nobody to go to for comfort because I have no friends. I never minded before because my ex was like my best friend and I was hoping to encounter friends in the future. But now I don’t have anything going for me and I can’t find the strength to move forward. It seems that she’s already moving on, but I just can’t. If I let her go I know I’ll do something rash. I was really considering ending myself, but then I’m reminded that she’ll be hurt if I do. I really don’t want to hurt her because I still love her so I much. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want it all to end. I can’t take life anymore. I thought I’d give this a try before anything. Thanks
You should know that it's ok to feel this way, it's okay to not be happy. Your feelings do not define you, even your thoughts do not define you. I see feelings and thoughts as clouds, they come and go, they are not you. When I'm feeling a certain way I don't judge that feeling, I try to not punish myself for feeling that way. I try to observe that feeling, to understand it's roots and I let it go. In what you've written I see a person of strong will. Despite feeling all these strong emotions you are really trying to create a better life. You should be proud of yourself. But maybe it would be better for you to stop struggling to find happiness, to take a deep breath and relax. Happiness will come like a ray of sunlight when you least expect it. Maybe you should give yourself time, maybe you should let yourself enjoy what is there. Take a stroll in the park, listen to the birds singing, appreciate the simplicity and beauty of life. You are part of its beauty, you are life itself. Give yourself time, try to not judge your feelings because you are so much greater. Become a child again, explore your neighbourhood, stop struggling for a minute and enjoy everything that surrounds you. You are important, you are special, you deserve to take your time, you deserve to be kind to yourself.
Thank you for these reassuring words. It’s always nice to get another perspective at things. You’re right, I should stop thinking of the future and take things one thing at a time. I should start enjoying the little things in life. Even if they’re not apparent right now, they’ll come when we least expect it. I’m in just pain and overwhelmed at everything right now. Eventually I will try the things you’ve recommended as I do think they’ll really help. Thanks
Really happy to hear this! Everything will be alright, I wish you all the best!
