I feel like my depression is my own fault.

I know that scientifically mental illness is an illness, and it's not my fault that I'm depressed, but it always feels like it is. I have no reason to be depressed. Thus far in my life I've had the luck to be successful even when I could not find enough energy to try, my friends are good, and my school is good. My parents aren't great, but no one's parents are perfect.

Whenever my depression causes problems, it just feels like I'm screwing myself over. In the past I've decided that I wanted to feel badly and tried to make my depression worse, so part of the depression really is my fault. All of the stuff I do just makes no sense. There's no reason to talk so negatively to myself, there's no reason to self harm, there's no reason to have so many unfounded worries. I just feel so stupid that I can't stop.

In sum, I know factually that mental illness isn't my own fault, but it feels like it is, and it makes me feel powerless and pathetic. I don't even know how to stop this feeling.

edited by Rain45 Moved to depression support due to forum re-organisation