I feel dead
All I want to do is sleep. I have no interest in school or going out anymore. I don't have friends. My BPD makes me put my boyfriend on a pedestal but when I'm mad at him or when he is mad at me that comes crashing down and I feel like I have nobody. I'm pushing him and everyone else away and all I want to do is sleep. When i can't sleep anymore I just want to lay motionless and do nothing. I want to stop caring about my appearance but I can't because I hate my appearance so much and am apologetic to anyone who looks at me for how ugly I am so I try to make up for it with makeup and straightening my hair but I still feel fake and hideous. I'm so embarrassed by who and what I am. I hate myself so much. I don't know what to do anymore.
Same, feel dead as hell.
I feel useless in this world, it's better i'm not here.. all I do is going to my internship and when home. Going to sleep.. all i want is that no one disturbs me the whole day. Listening songs and hiding myself under blanket.. can't sleep in night i feel my bones because i'm skinny.. I see everything negative.. and I don't want people that say to me "oh, it will be okay, you will be okay". No one can understand you.. only you know yourself the best. You know what you have made.. and even if you try to dissapear.. It doesn't work, because you realize everytime.. that is not the answer..
@EmoSkater
What music do you listen too?
@honestv08 All different types because i'm a dancer to, but most times just indie altervative rock. From channel Spaceuntravel. But songs what i like is Bmth, Get Scared, Brokencyde, Botdf, Billy Talent, Three Days Grace, I-Exist, and alot more.
This week i'm addicted to the song of : Melanie Martinez - Birthing Addicts. Also I'm planning to make a Youtube Video with that song and a slideshow with Thinspiration Pictures.. I don't know the music is really nice. I just love it💟 Today ill upload at night I guess that song with thinspiration in it. Maybe a lyrics to.. 🌸 ~
I was in the same situation as you described few years ago. I was always sleeping and have no interest in any activitie of the life. I wasnt able to find motivation to do anything. I saw other people how they achieve their goals, and moving forward in their lives. But one day I wake up and say to myself that it could not be like that, there must be some way to get out of my situation. It is not possible other to can move forward and me to stay demotivated nad lay in bad. Than I started to read books, about human mind and behavior. I started attending seminars and courses. I found out that also other people have maybe not same but simmilar problems but they found way to cope with it. I decided that I will also find a way and move forward in my life. It took time. It was not easy. It was a fight with myself, changing my values and belief system. But it was worth. Today Im also able to talk about my experience and to help others.
I hope sharing my experience will help to someone.
