I'd like to be happy just once

I'm having a pretty terrible day emotionally. I didn't get much sleep last night as what seemed like a bonding moment with my husband turned into a slap of reality in the face. He wants a marriage with no physical connection. Til death do us part for the next 30-40 years sans something that feels like an important part of marriage. It feels like a deal breaker for me. It's already been 11 months and I thought when he said we'd make our marriage work he really meant it. Then he put clauses on it.

This morning was just a continuation of anger, frustration, hurt. At work I have two co-workers that are being extremely passive aggressive and difficult. This just adds fuel to the fire that is already consuming me emotionally and mentally.

I feel alone. I feel unappreciated. Like a dog laying in the dirt and being continually kicked.

I actually looked up the cost to move to Greece. Just some random place I picked. Never been there or even really thought about going. But, it would be an escape from this cycle of hurt I feel stuck in.

Emotions aren't exactly my favorite thing. I have little use for them. This is why. When they take hold they hollow you. I can't control them, so I'm just sitting in my office behind a closed door crying.

I just want to feel appreciated and loved for once. I want to feel like I am good at something. Never a pat on the head for a job well done, but plenty of fingers and harsh words when something as small as a strand of hair is out of place.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm exhausted. I'm lost.