I am trapped

I dont even have the mental energy to write out everything wrong right now but in short, 7cups is the only support system that I have.

I wish I could tell my parents but the concept seems so impossible and farfetched. I know I'm being pathetic but I dont want to disappoint them. They think they've raised a confident, smart, talented daughter but I am a failure and I dont want them to know.

I'm afraid to share any of my thoughts with anyone and it's excruciating when I'm having a nervous breakdown hiding in my room and no one bothers to check on me.

I hardly have any friends besides the group that I associate with at school. They only talk to me when it's absolutely necessary and outside of school it's like they're complete strangers. They all post selfies with their friends and all the fun things they do on ig and I see it and feel so isolated because I dont have that and i know its pathetic but it's so hard to work up the courage to ask someone to hang out and always have them say no.

I sometimes think that if I went missing there would be no photos of me to use in a poster because I never take photos ever because I hate looking at myself and seeing how much of a disappointment I am and how ugly I am. People always say to not compare yourself to others but it's impossible because every time I see someone even remotely pretty or outgoing I immediately get jealous and insecure.