Grief... loss of a parent

My step-mom passed away February 16th ... I can't breath, I can't see straight. She has been in my life since I was 5 y/o! My brother moved in with her and my father when he was 12 y/o... seeing him tear up at the end of the memorial - I couldn't handle it. I'm do worried about my brother. But know I have to focus on myself to b/c I lost myself for about two weeks... not wanting to get out of bed... only long enough to get my son off to school - to return to bed, more migraines coming, just thinking this was normal for me... more anxiety attacks roll in. I find myself wanting to pick up the phone to call mom and tell her this or that ... but she's not there to share it... so I want to call her husband (as my father left her - bringing a better man into our family!) but I don't want to upset him either. So lost, torn, confused, angry and hurt.

This too brings back all the memories of the loss of my step-dad. So hard...

So thankful she went quickly and did not suffer! But why? Why her? Why him?

H