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Finding Myself After Depression?

MarianTheSiren February 17th, 2016

I developed depression around 11 yrs old, and sort of came of age experiencing life through the filter of depression. It became part of my identity, my concept of myself, what inspired my music and poetry. Now that I'm not depressed anymore I don't know who I am. I don't know myself anymore, I don't feel like I have niche. Now I get those song lyrics that say things like "I'm happiest when I'm depressed." Not that I want to be depressed again but it was familiar. I got comfortable in a weird way. I don't really know how to develop my identity now, it feels like starting over. Which is great but scary. I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, I definitely don't want to go back to the way I was. I want to keep moving forward, I'm just not really sure how. I was wondering how other people went about this? It's kind of like...I recovered. Now what?

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spectacularWaterfall5 February 17th, 2016

@MarianTheSiren

I get it. I had a lot of anxiety during recovery because I didn't know who I was. I had episodes of depression and thought I had bipolar but after therapy they decided the mania was my normal. I struggled with my identity. Who am I striving to be? Then I had an idea, "I can be whoever I want to be." So I looked to kinda the unique mix of personalities that might make up the me I want to be so I am making goals and working towards that. Some days are still bumpy but I'm getting there.

Best wishes

1 reply
MarianTheSiren OP February 18th, 2016

@spectacularWaterfall5

That sounds so much like me!

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MarianTheSiren OP February 18th, 2016

Thanks to both you for answering :)