Dual me

Hi

irl, even on facebook I always sound so upbeat loving and grateful. I have tons of fb friends. And try to be inspirational and admired. IRL I always try to smile. I cannot go many places because of reasons I will not write. I rarely can leave my home. But when I do I seem pretty darned together. On the phone, always happy and in gratitude.

But the pain is sometimes so much. Right now I feel panic and depression. No money to do what I need to do for healing this weekend. Life was so much easier when there was a teeny amount of money. Still was the depression and anxiety. But I could go to therapist. And I could be part of a irl community. I cannot go to just any therapist. It has to be someone quite specific. For reasons I will not explain. And these therapist are not covered by medicare. So alone I am with little help. Usually able to live in great gratitude and happiness. Even though I can barely leave the house or get out of bed. So there is my confession. Even though I have not sinned. (well my sin is that I am not loving and compassionate to myself. Sins against the self)