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Don't know where I belong

Dreamergirl37 February 12th, 2015

i feel really messed up confessing this and I've never told anyone before. I don't feel like I belong at home in society, I feel like I belong in a hospital or some type of treatment facility. I have been in the hospital many times and it seems that I function better there. When I get discharged I have all the intentions of going home and getting better but it never happens. I have no motivation at home and really don't have anyone to push me to do things. I don't shower for days, I only leave the house whenits absolutely necessary, I sleep all the time, and have a hard time keeping doctors appointments.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like my head is messed up and I don't want anyone to think I'm just seeking attention. I just want to feel better.

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crissy23246 February 12th, 2015

I have felt exactly like this. I just don't want to get out of bed. If ai sleep I am at peace and just don't have to think about it. I hate to leave the house too. Institutions gave me srruture and stability and I just felt calmer and yeah in place I guess. Now I feel like I'm just here like a picture on a wall with no real purpose. It helps me though when I feel like I am helping others. Maybe try and make yourself volunteer. Even if it is just online for starters. I think that's what I'll do.

1 reply
Dreamergirl37 OP February 12th, 2015

I used to be a listener but started to get triggered by a lot of things. I have an apptat 1pm today and even though it's 8 hrs away I'm already dreading it and the errands I have to do after. I really feel on the verge of a break down.

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crissy23246 February 12th, 2015

I understand. Going to appointments for me is like a dreaded chore. I have to literally MAKE myself go. I've been thinking about going into inpatient care soon but I'm also afraid of that. You ever wish you had everything you need in just one room and never have to leave for anything? Sometimes I don't even want to be around people. Is that weird? I'm not like anti-social or anything just a lot when people are talking to me I find myself just drift away mentally.

4 replies
Dreamergirl37 OP February 12th, 2015

Yes, I do wish I would never need to leave my room. I find myself staying away from social situations, I have to be in the right mood for it and there can't be too many people around. Going inpatient scares me too. I feel like they don't see anything wrong with me when I feel like very thing is wrong. I've had a place discharge me after 4 daysand I was devastated. It also gives me anxiety going inpatient because I wouldn't be able to see my bf, but I hardly see him anyways. I feel like a complete failure, I can't hold a job, still live with family, and can't control my emotions enough to be productive.

2 replies
crissy23246 February 12th, 2015

Have you ever tried medicines? I've been on many. It's like trial and error with side effects but eventually I did find one that was no side effects for me. Just a suggestion.

1 reply
Dreamergirl37 OP February 12th, 2015

Ya I am on meds.

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Dreamergirl37 OP February 12th, 2015

Yes, I do wish I would never need to leave my room. I find myself staying away from social situations, I have to be in the right mood for it and there can't be too many people around. Going inpatient scares me too. I feel like they don't see anything wrong with me when I feel like very thing is wrong. I've had a place discharge me after 4 daysand I was devastated. It also gives me anxiety going inpatient because I wouldn't be able to see my bf, but I hardly see him anyways. I feel like a complete failure, I can't hold a job, still live with family, and can't control my emotions enough to be productive.

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Poetrylover14 February 12th, 2015

You pretty much defined my life. It's very difficult. I've been hospitalized so much they hardly believe me or take me seriously when I go wherever I go. I'm sorry, I'm still figuring out how to fix this myself but I feel for ya

easyTortoise20 February 12th, 2015

i have anxiety, social anxiety disorder, I get panic attacks, and I have all sorts of phobias. All these are under control for the most part. About 5 yrs. ago, and throough my church, I joined a recovery group, and I went there religously for over a year. I bought all the books they had, and in spare time read them, I still refer to them when I need strength. I handed everything over to god, and worked the class, talked with others in the group, who are still very good friends of mine. The bottom line is there are reasons we feel this way, and talking them out at a group may help. Good luck all