Don't give up on yourself

Just a prologue: I know that some cases of Depression, PTSD, and GAD are resistant to treatment. I know some are very complex and severe. So please do not mis understand this post. I am only relating my story. It is only my story.

I have been depressed all my life. In childhood I was always anxious and I cried a lot at things other kids just didn't. My father died in front of me as he was being carried to the car (there were no ambulances at that time where I lived) and no one said a word to me except :BE STRONG. I took that to heart and all through my early adulthood, I did just that. Until my husband flatlined, and I saw him with no heartbeat for a full five minutes while they tried to resuscitate him. He gradually came to but was never the same after ward.

So the ground was shaken under me, he was my rock and I know women are not supposed to "depend" on their husbands... but he was my best friend. My depression took on a whole new level, and I had PTSD and Generalized Anxiety as well, and entered therapy after trying to be strong. I was on prozac and lorazepam, and that worked or at least it kept it to a manageable level until this past year.

It seemed my depression totally collapsed upon itself and I found myself suicidal. I had never had urges like that before. So I went back into therapy and got a new psychiatrist, who diagnosed me BIpolar 2, Generalized ANxiety, and PTSD. I was prescribed Lithium.

Before I started taking the lithium, I could not have written this post. I could barely sort silverware in my silverware drawer, or address an envelope. I feel better, and I feel like the suicidal self is fading away and the old self is coming back. I had almost given up, decided to just stay in my bed. I am still guardedly optimistic, I mean I am not out of the woods. BUt it sure feels good to feel like "my old self" before this depression hit.

Each person is different. I have tried at least 8 different medications before finding one that worked. IT was worth one more try.