Depression + Romantic Relationships

Some of my experiences have lead me to start thinking about the ways one's depression is reflected, linked to, or simply manifested in relations to their romantic partner and the relationship they are in.

i will shortly share some of my own experiences just so you would know what perspective I am coming from. When it comes to romantic relationships, I have been in situations where my partner (with depression) has been more distanced due to depression, and has lacked interest in me, as well as the relationship. While I do understand that, this post is here to share a perspective of someone who has been on the other side of the whole situation. While I do/did try my best to provide as much compassion, support, understanding and care as I can, here I will share some of my own thoughts, doubts and questions I often have to ask myself. Please keep in mind that they are above everyone honest, and come from a good, caring place.

Sometimes, I, as well as--I'm assuming-- other people who have been/ still are in a relationship with someone suffering from depression, wonder if I had anything to do with my partner's mental state getting worse. Imagine this: that person had depression, even before you/I had come into their life. And once you've become part of their life, it almost became a form of escapism, a little something to make the grey could go away, perhaps just a little of the "happy" ingredient, but enough to be... enough. And then it became a routine, and they started getting used to having you around, there, present, a regular daily component that their life consists of. And the big gray cloud came back, but this time you cannot make it go away. And essentially, it has nothing to do with you/me,

but I cannot help but sometimes wonder: why am I not enough this time? And fundamentally, I know that their depression has nothing to do with me, but when you're doing your very best to bring something healthy, productive, positive, happy into someone's life, and you see another person only sinking deeper into their dark place... you cannot help but wonder why none of those beautiful things make any difference anymore. Why isn't a single one of those things enough? What doesn't any of those things mean anything, anymore?

And at the end of the day, you do understand that your partner's depression has nothing to do with you. But once upon a time, you could help, and now, whatever you try (even if that involves giving them space etc)-- nothing works. You just exist helplessly, still, while the big black cloud is growing bigger, consuming the person and the entire relationship.

That can be scary. And it can seem like it cannot be changed. But, having been a listener here, I have come to realize that there are so many of us in either/both of the roles described in my somewhat long hypothetical. And we all have different experiences. Different things that work and do not. Different questions, dilemmas, struggles, insecurities. Yet, with so many different ways in which these situations are experienced, we relate to each other. That is why I decided to write all of the things I've shared in this post. Do feel free to reflect on it, or your own example, and share your thoughts.❤️