Confused and alone

Im not sure what this is.....I just wrote it....I dont like having feelings sometimes....they get in the way....they make you hurt....I might cry again today for the billionth time....

i miss you so much, cant I just come home to you again?

Havent written in a while but today and yesterday have been particularly hard I dont know what to do my head is full of things I dont want to be in there no matter how hard I try I cant get out of my own head it keeps telling me that I should be angry at you and I should hate you but I cant I dont hate you but a part of me says I deserve to be angry at you at least that much I am angry and confused and sad I dont understand how you can throw five years away so easily but Id rather keep that on answered I like to think well get back together I think we will even if it takes a little while I dont see myself moving on to someone new I dont want to either Id wait forever if I have to because thats how I feel inside my brain hurts and Im tired of thinking about anything and everything Im tired of hurting I just want to let go and be ok I want to leave this plaxeand go far away I want to disappear