Compassionate Messages To My Inner Child - And Why They Will Promote Self-Love and Acceptance

Compassionate Messages To My Inner Child

One of the ways that I am learning to show self-kindness is by treating myself with the compassion that I would a child.

Recently I have been unpleasantly aware of my perceived flaws and this exercise has been a tremendous aid in trying to heal my relationship with myself. I stumbled upon this inspiration when I was looking at photos of my older brother and sisters as children, many years before I was born. In 2017, I look at my 36 old brother with dread and frustration because of the pain he has brought on my family.

Seeing photographs of a young and trusting Robert stirred up feelings about him that I haven't had before. It was as though if we could only undo the years of substance abuse and make sure he lives a (half) healthy lifestyle, his eyes and smile would be identical to those of the cheeky schoolboy in the photos. Remembering him in this way softened my angry emotions towards him and almost transformed them into pity. I wondered if this innocent little boy had ever intended for his life to resemble what it does now?

My sisters live wholesome lives: yet seeing their adorable expressions, the tots who now have tots of their own, brought to attention how fast time can escape us. I became mindful that the people around us, whether they love us, nurture us, provoke us or have no importance to us at all, were all once children with no expectations. Admittedly, this concept won't justify anybody's actions (afterall even Hitler was a child once), but it has prompted me to have a tender and forgiving approach and to be acknowledging of others' past and motives.

An extension of this theory is to apply it to ourselves. It has progressively taught me to practise sensitivity, as if to my younger self, during times of challenge.

We all face demons and we don't always give ourselves the recognition or self-care we deserve for getting through these tough times. I've discovered that I am my biggest critic and that I compare myself to others on a daily basis. There are other influential factors, of course, such as beauty standards, pop culture and social media expectations, mental/physical health and personal circumstances.
When I recall past stages of my life, when I remember being the beaming little girl in her Tinkerbell costume, I feel sympathetic that she would grow up and be exposed to any battles. I am acknowledging that I can have a fresh and meaningful outlook on the world, despite no longer being that small child anymore.

In face, mind and spirit, I haven't especially changed a lot! Perhaps I will always be the nerdy, blonde, Disney girl in a pink sequin dress with an imaginary unicorn by her side. Yet, I have evolved through each of the experiences that my 19 years has offered me.

Reflecting on myself between the ages of 10-18 years (give or take), I had some aggressive confidence issues. I can remember times when I didn't wish to continue with the way I felt on the inside, whilst failing to portray it on the outside. There were instances when my insecurities and anxieties were dominating my every thought.

Empathising with the way I felt during that season has allowed me to recognise and accept who I am today. If I could, this is what I would say to the young person (I) that was struggling:

One day, you are going to look back on all that you are achieving and you'll feel immensely proud. You will also look back on the insecurities that are burdening you and greet them with warmth and understanding. There will be another generation of teenagers who believe that their bodies are inadequate or that their flaws need to be "corrected" or that their futures or careers are uncertain. You will set an example to them. You are going to be introduced to so many new people and new places, however, your authentic self will remain no matter what.

Pondering upon the earliest years of my life, before I had ever encountered self-doubt, has enlightened me that everybody does grow up as years go by. This does not mean that they completely alter as human beings. This revelation has enabled me to re-establish a sense of who I am and what I deserve.

If I had a message for a 6 year old me, it would be as follows:

You are worthy and you are capable of making a positive impact on this world. Your purpose is non-exhaustive. You will have a life of abundant creativity, imagination and passion. Never be afraid to realise your value, uniqueness and talents, or allow another person or occurrence to extinguish your positivity. You are beautiful and capable - and at times you will disagree with this statement, but that won't make it less true.

The two messages that I have directed at my younger self are definitely ones that we would encourage children to follow because we wish them confidence and ambition to lead fulfilling lives. So why is it less often that we would give these affirmations to other adults? Why it is substantially less likely that we would direct these kind words to ourselves? Maturity does not correspond with the emotional impact harsh judgements or difficult times.

In conclusion, going forward into adult life and the challenges I am yet to face, I am going to ensure that I practise gentleness and love towards myself (and others), with the intention to sustain a sense of self-appreciation which can be incredibly difficult to source.