Birthday-related depression

@missellencat hey there. My experience is a little different, but I always feel incredibly down on my birthday, feeling like there's no reason for anyone to celebrate me, but at the same time wishing desperately that I was worth celebrating.
I'm really sorry you get that way on your birthday. I'm sure that's rough both for you and others around you. I hope you'll hang in there until this birthday is over. I'm glad you're still here, a part of this caring community. I really hope you get through these next few weeks. Take care.

I know exactly what you mean..

I get panic attacks and cry myself to sleep the night before. For me it's mainly because its a day where you're supposed to be happy and acting for a complete day just tires me out completely.

Try making it a relaxing day :) Make a list of whatever makes you feel comfortable, take the day off and do all of those things :) Read a book, bake your favorite cupcake, go dance, watch your fav movie, stuff like that.

Last time I made up an excuse for not celebrating it on the actually day, but a few days later. Then, on the day itself I was out camping with a stack of books next to me. Somehow that made celebrating the wrong date a lot better ;)

Yes. I dread my birthday. It's because birthdays symbolize a milestone: another year of growth, and a year full of your "accomplishments." But when you feel depressed, it's just a massive reminder of how much we've failed, suffered, and wasted another year. I also feel like everyone who wishes me a happy birthday doesn't really care, and no one actually wants to waste time to celebrate with me. Just try to think about what you HAVE accomplished this year, as small as it may be. I hope you manage to do some things you like, and your birthday goes well.

I think for people who struggle with depression feelings of hopelessness and dread are fairly common around this event. At least I definitely experienced it often, because I tend to think that I don't do anything significant with our lives, only survive the waves of pain and numbness. The same goes with others events who are most celebrated by the society, like New Year's Eve.

But then again we survived the whole year. Anyone who struggle with this awful disorder knows how much energy and determination it requires. Isn't that enough achievement? To breathe and function when every particle in your body want to give up? When you wake up each day and bravely tries again and again, because you want to save yourself? Isn't that marvelous and admirable?

For me the problem here is that I can't see any good experiences of my own victories each time the year ends, because I can only remember the bad stuff. That's why I've started journaling to write down good things which happened each week + I have a whole few pages to just note all of my life success, like graduating, and going first time to psychiatrists and traveling and applying to that job despite my self-doubts. Then I can refer to this list any time I think like I don't do anything with my life. They don't have to be significant, they just have to be real.

@missellencat

I feel like this answer may not be the one you were looking for but maybe you or someone else can take something positive from it. While our planet does have a finite number of resources, that number is still a perplexing large amount. Even more perplexing are the resources in the universe, so with that said I will also say I would give resources for you to be here and I'm sure there are others who feel the same way. People want you here, you being here is enough for us to want to give you the resources needed to survive. I'm sorry you feel that way during your birthday, I hope you had at least an okay birthday yesterday, and best wishes.