Alone and emotionally drained..

Hi, I'm new to this website but I'm starting to get the swing of things around here. Also, I use to be an avid forum user years ago, but it's been a very long time since I've participated in one- and I'm a bit thread-creator shy so this is going beyond my normal "forum-norms". So I'll try to keep this as to-the-point and short as I can.. Anyway:

I've suffered from depression for a couple of years now. It has been to the point where it has negatively impacted my life on an everyday basis. It's a never ending cycle. The insomnia, lack of appetite/weight loss, the hopelessness and doubts... I could go on. I've been lucky to have been able to open up to a therapist and a couple of friends, but lately, that hasn't been the case...

I stopped going to therapy a couple months ago. I was starting to feel a bit better, and felt like I was in control of my life again. Then about a month after therapy, things came crashing down. Pretty badly. Some life events happened which totally brought me down and I started drifting away from the people who I could talk to about what I was feeling, but the worst part of all was that I was putting my all into these friendships and they were putting in close to nothing.

After putting in all my energy into these people, I decided to let them do something for once. Which basically ended up in them not bothering to contact me, or initiate any conversation whatsoever. So now, I didn't have anyone to talk about my issues to. Or for that matter, just have friendly conversation. I sat there, and the feelings bottled up and up and up... and now I'm here about to burst.

Like the title of the thread suggests, I feel so alone to the point I can't describe in words what it feels like. There has probably been only 3 days this past month where I haven't cried myself to sleep over my loneliness. I've had no interest in doing holiday activities, so this year around it hardly feels like Christmas to me. In my life situation, mental health isn't taken very seriously, and it is very hard to get help due to the spot I'm in. I had to jump through some hoops to even get a therapist. To sum it up, the past few years have been very rough and hard dealing with depression and although it's made me stronger and wiser, I don't know what it's like to live my life normally and happily anymore.

To conclude this all, I'm really glad I found this website... I really needed to let this out. I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read this thread from start to finish, so thank you for putting aside some time to listen. :)