A Journal of my Journey: 12-19-20 (I survived - but it could have been better)

One of the major triggers of depression and anxiety for me is the condition of my home. I’m not a hoarder, I'm just too “lazy” to clean. It’s always been this way but, now as the house has steadily gotten filthier and less taken care of I get overwhelmed.

I was having a decent day getting a bit of cleaning done in anticipation of my son coming to visit from college for 2 nights. He’s use to the mess, but I wanted to at least have a few things cleaner than he expected.

Then I discovered the washer leaking and saw that it must have been going on for awhile. So there went my anxiety through the roof! The washer’s broken and I must get a new one. (Even though I rent, I will buy it myself because I don’t want my landlord coming in.)

So now I’m stressing (but actually not having a freak out totally. I found a washer I can afford and mentally planned the logistics of getting it home.

The anxiety calmed, but that also killed my cleaning motivation. Around 1PM I just was in a funk and couldn’t pull out. I could feel one of my depression episodes coming one and decided to take a nap.

Woke up around 2PM not feeling super better, but also knowing it was mild enough to muscle through. I wasn’t feeling like making the soup I planned for dinner this week, but forced myself to do it while having some jazz Christmas music in the background.

I also went out for my Saturday night adventure. Go get gas, go to check mail and, this week, a trip to Trader Joe’s. I even made a trip to Walmart for exciting things like socks and a new dish drainer.

Thanks for listening….

Sparky